as of late, while surfing around the blogosphere — or whatever it’s refered to these days — i’ve tried to ignore a lot of the barcelona hype-mongering that has been pervasive in the press the last few years. part of that is logically due to my long following of their bitter rivals in the spanish capital, but the other part of it is i’m tired of hearing about the blaugrana.
for the better part of three years, it seems as if the pundits have all had overactive saliva glands whenever the names of messi, xavi or iniesta are brought up. i’m sick of hearing about how the “barca way” is the best way, how their lead by a “likable mourinho,”and how they are the greatest side in the history of football.
to their credit, all of those things are probably true.
it’s easy to see why messi is hailed as the best player on the planet right now, or at least the more likable best player on the planet when being compared against his
vain main competition. pep guardiola is doing a magnificent job running the squad, and has somehow managed to exceed expectations nearly every year all while being a nice guy. their system of playing and building their squad from within is unrivaled at the moment, of course with great respect for star factories of old such as arsenal and ajax.
the catalans have earned their massive praise, there is no doubt about that. i’m just tired of hearing about it. it’s similar to my disdain of the chicago bulls in the 90’s or the new york yankee’s always. (yes, i completely understand that when i root real madrid, i’m sounding a bit hypocritical here. ignore this. we all have our reasons).
perhaps that’s the reason why i ignore barcelona with most of my postings: i’m tired of reading about them, so in order to enact some sort of linguistic revenge for the tidal wave of praise i’m constantly bowled over with. players like xavi deserve more praise, even if i don’t support them or i’m sick of doing things
so what, exactly caught my attention this week that made me want to at least start off a post about the mighty barça? a picture of xavi… specifically, the picture at the beginning of the post.
why was this picture able to impact me so much? it’s the realization from just one picture that, if it weren’t for soccer, xavi would definitely be a leading candidate to be a character on the jersey shore.
that’s right, my first barcelona post in ages is here simply to mock them, or at least one of them. and it only took me around 400 words to get to the point. celebrate!
honestly though, every time i see a picture of him, his hair becomes more like pauly d’s. in true jersey fashion it’s slicked back yet still strong enough to stand at attention in the strongest gale-force wind. he’s got that iberian thing going, so he even looks a little italian. whether that’s due to his natural complexion or tanning, i haven’t yet determined.
so this got me thinking. if there were to be a football version of the jersey shore, who else would join xavi to fill out the cast? this could be a fun game, right? so without further ado, here are my picks for the “most jersey” picks from the world of football to take part in my mythical MTV’s The Jersey Shore: Europe Football Edition:
- we need to have women on this show to keep the drama at high enough levels to captivate the numb minds of america, but which girls to chose is no easy task. there are a plethora of whores and WAGS that could easily fit into this environment. my first pick is a natural one, as she has stirred the pot more in the past year than anyone else: vanessa perroncel. wayne bridge’s baby-momma is a top class slut due to her track record of “hanging out with footballers,” and therefore a perfect match for our new show. she can easily play the snooki role.
- aptly piggy backing in, or maybe doggy-styling in (i know… horrid), on the last femacast mate is everyone’s least favorite captain, chelsea’s john terry! while terry’s appearance doesn’t exactly fit the mold, he is oh-so-perfect in several other ways. first off, he will “smush” anything that walks and has lady parts. secondly, he apparently has no qualms with backstabbing friends. third, he’s prone to become spontaneously violent. and lastly, he is acrybaby and everyone likes to make fun of those types.
- and now for another female, and this time we need one that is an absolute diva. i can’t think of a better footballing diva than the mrs. beckham. posh spice would make a great cast-mate for several reasons: her bloated self importance, her propensity to always have a drink in hand, her fancy outfits, and her likely eating disorder.
- the most obvious and glaring choice to join xavi on the cast would be real madrid’s cristiano ronaldo. so how does he fit? easy. he spends copious amounts of time at the gym toning and sculpting his physique. there is no way he doesn’t put baby oil on his skin before leaving the house. he clearly loves hair gel. he might have an ego, which is great for entertainment. we know he tans, a lot. and of course, there are multitudes of pictures such as this for additional proof. shoe in.
can you think of a better show? ok, so even i could think of something better to watch (maybe even the real jersey shore). but honestly, wouldn’t you at least try to watch this?!