Tag Archives: blackburn

ten words or less #72

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What a week it was for football.

it was such a scintillating week of soccer that it literally caused the crew’s scoreboard to burst into flames.

Spain, long the kings of European club and international soccer, was humbled over the course of two nights in Germany. The shock waves of the thorough beatings received by Barcelona and Real Madrid are still reverberating a week later as we head into the return ties in Spain. Meanwhile, the Premier League saw not only a champion named, but also two sides doomed to relegation. The race for the top four in England also remains interesting, with Spurs and Arsenal seemingly trying to trip out of each others’ way nail down the last slot. The Columbus Crew’s scoreboard caught on fire shortly before its team did in a 3 goal victory over DC United for the Black and Gold. And the biggest news? I scored a hat trick in my coed indoor match midweek. Earth-shattering stuff, right?

So with all of the madness that went down last week, it would have been easy to miss an interesting story or two along the way. As we edge our way towards yet another week guaranteed to be full of even more twists and turns, have a read through some of the best content I gleaned from the web over the last week that might have gone under the radar.

An infographic explaining the NASL’s new Indy Eleven‘s name. – indyeleven.com

One small step for Pittsburgh, one giant leap for USSoccer. – theshinguardian.com

Meanwhile in Sweden, they’re paving over pitches. – whoateallthepies.tv

So Blackburn should be in the Champions League final, right? - espnfc.com

My future child will have a ball in its crib. – si.com

Honestly, I’d have a hard time fairly judging a Gooner. – guardian.co.uk

Nike have something crazy in store for us. – soccerbible.com

Bravo, Dirty Tackle: a marvelous bit on the Suárez bite. – dirtytackle.net

College athletics losing it’s luster… and not just in soccer. – sbnation.com

Though he’s bat shit crazy these days, nothing but respect. – youtube.com

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ten words or less #68

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Cristiano Ronaldo's headed goal against Manchester United

ronaldo was literally jumping through the roof over all of the football on tap during this stretch of the year.

Without a shadow of a doubt, mid-February has to be one of my favorite portions of the entire footballing calendar. The major European leagues are entering the home stretch of their seasons, with the races for final league places really heating up. The Champions League knockout stages have kicked off, presenting us with loads of truly world class football to admire. Add in a sprinkling of World Cup qualifiers here and there, and factor in that MLS First Kick is just around the corner, and you can start to understand why I’m so infatuated with a month normally hated by most American fans.

But with so much soccer to take in, my very A.D.D. brain often has a hard time digesting it all. Which means my efforts to pump out full-length postings becomes infinitely harder. I’ve probably started a dozen new drafts in the last week; my guess is only around a third of those will end up seeing the light of day.

So while I strain out the garbage and identify the gold in my writings, I present you with a sampling of my favorite links from the last week. Bon appétit.

All goal line technology implementations handled by just two officials.
- bigdsoccer.com

How “what could have been” in Manchester was derailed. – inbedwithmaradona.com

Jorge Campos-inspired posters remind me of the 90′s. – behance.com

For a few Nigerian prostitutes, it’s time to pay up. – dirtytackle.net

This Genoa centenary shit just exudes retro awesome. – footballshirtculture.com

Screw? Loose. Other shoe? Waiting to drop. – guardian.co.uk

I love soccer and dinosaurs. I don’t love them together. – kckrs.com

Just five minutes playing in Turkey… Drogba gonna Drog. – youtube.com

The official MLS #TrueColors posters are (mostly) pretty sweet. – facebook.com

See: Move to capitalize on Indian market exposure. – nikebiz.com

playing the game

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When the clock struck midnight GMT on Tuesday and brought an end to another hectic transfer window for Spurs, I admit that I was initially left a bit dumbfounded by the moves the club made. Who did we bring in? They’re both over 33! Has Levy lost it?!?!

tottenham's ryan nelsen

spurs signing blackburn's ryan nelsen (above) and everton's louis saha, both considered past it by lower clubs, didn't exactly show "ambition". or did it?

I angrily hashed out an outline for a scathing post — rife with references to nursing homes and a need for another ambulance on match days — detailing how these aren’t the type of players that a club supposedly harboring title ambitions should be signing, and that they shipped off players who were better than the players replacing them. However, as fits of rage tend to do to me, I was too worn out and frustrated to complete the article that night.

The workday on Wednesday provided me ample opportunity to further reflect on the transfers. And the more I thought about it, a potentially bigger plan seemed to unfold from them. Maybe there was more to these signings than I had initially thought.

Let’s take a deeper look at the departures from White Hart Lane, first:

  • Roman Pavlyuchenko finally engineered his long awaited exit from the club with a reported £7.5 million move to Lokomotiv Moscow. Aged 30, he’s nearly four years younger than the man who replaced him in Spurs strike corps. Yet despite showing flashes of an ability to produce brilliance, his inconsistency led him to spend most of his time in North London on the bench, bitching about lack of first team chances and/or pining for a transfer. Either way, Pav moving on was always the most likely move to happen this January.
  • Sébastien Bassong — another player frequently linked with a move away from Spurs — departed to Wolves on loan, with an option to buy at the end of the season for what’s expected to be a fee of around £4.5 million. Though not a bad player when not caught with his pants down, he was rather prone to a major error now and again.  At nearly a decade the junior to his replacement, and with a severely depleted Tottenham back line, Bassong’s departure was one that left me the most worried.
  • Steven Pienaar’s return to Everton on loan was also another puzzler. With Lennon struggling for fitness, and Gareth Bale’s style of play always seeming to invite a crunching tackle, Spurs aren’t exactly up to their teeth in wingers at the moment. Though not as direct as Bale or Lennon, Pienaar was a great player to be able to bring off the bench. But thanks to a long injury lay off, Harry never really grew that fond of the guy, so a move wasn’t that unexpected.
  • former tottenham striker, roman pavlyuchenko

    getting rid of pav's high wages and poor attitude will be more beneficial than if spurs had held on to him through the summer.

    Vedran Ćorluka’s loan to Bayer Leverkusen, much like Pienaar, leaves Tottenham dangerously thin at the right back slot. At 25, he’s also significantly younger than his replacement, and he was never a player I bemoaned to see on the pitch due to his comfort on the ball. But, with speed a priority in Spurs style of play, Charlie’s propensity to look like he had a refrigerator strapped to his back while running made him a prime suspect to move on. Although I suspect this move is more to do with him securing a spot in Croatia’s Euro squad than a want to leave the club.

What’s the one thing all of those players has in common? They’re all players in their prime that were desperate for first team football.

Securing money now for Pavlyuchenko was clutch, as a poor performance at the Euros would have severely deflated his sell on value in the summer — something strikers are particularly at risk of during major tournaments. But loan moves for the rest were brilliant bits of business, too. All three are likely to feature prominently for their new temporary sides for various reasons (injuries, league position, etc.) so if they perform well, Spurs will be in position to ask for larger sums for them all come the summer.

Now let’s take a look at Spurs two arrivals:

  • Louis Saha comes with the stigma of being old and injury prone. Despite that, and much like Pav, he’s still capable of producing a moment of magic. Even better though — and very unlike the Russian — is that he’s actually still capable of producing a match-dominating performance. Though with only two goals this term, one would hope being surrounded by higher quality players will bring that out of him more frequently.
  • Ryan Nelsen also arrives with a dodgy fitness history, but a boatload of experience to balance. He captained the only side at South Africa 2010 that left the competition without a loss. Nelsen has 172 Premier League caps to his name, and was a major contributor to Blackburn Rover’s relegation-staving efforts last season after forming a formidable partnership with oft-Spurs target Chris Samba. And his four year spell with D.C. United also inspires… confidence. Yeah.

So what do these elder statesmen have in common? They are proven veterans — a.k.a. Premier League Experienced Players – who know that they’ll have to fight if they want to see playing time, and won’t pitch too big a fit if they don’t make the starting XI. Oh yeah, and they were both FREE and are likely on significantly less wages than the players they replaced.. Considering that both have signed relatively short contracts, if neither works out, we’ll be rid of them quickly without having to pay anything extra.

Effectively, we’ve swapped skilled back-ups with problematic attitudes for slightly-less skilled back-ups AND stayed cash-positive. On closer inspection (and assuming that our loaned players perform well), the moves actually set the stage for Spurs having enough to make a bid for a world class player or two in the summer.

Combining the £8m for Pav, plus conservative estimates for cash from the sales of Bassong (£5m), Pienaar (£6m), and Ćorluka (£6m) in the summer, and you’re left with at least £25 million. Further sales of fringe players such as Giovanni dos Santos and potential Champoins League money could easily raise that total.

athletic bilbao's fernando llorente

with levy saving money this window, it could clear the way for a massive buy in the summer. i'd prefer that move to be for this guy.

For that kind of money, you could make a pretty big big splash in the transfer market. Loïc Rémy, Bafetimbi Gomis, Leandro Damião and — most preferably – Fernando Llorente, are all players within reach with that much cash in Levy’s back pocket. Even if they have to pay over the odds for that elite striker we’ve all been craving, there should still be enough left over to buy cover at right back, on the flanks, or in the center of defense.

So while this revelation obviously has me excited, I’m not stupid enough to not see that this plan also has tons of potential pitfalls.

The most glaring and obvious problem Levy’s thriftiness has caused us is the current crisis at right back. With Walker picking up a hamstring injury in the win against Wigan on Tuesday, Ćorluka off to Germany, and the young Adam Smith loaned to Leeds, there are no fit, natural right backs in the side. Sure, Kaboul and Nelsen can deputize, but they’re not exactly comforting options.

Even more concerning is how confident Levy seems to feel that Tottenham are going to finish in the top four. If he wasn’t that confident, would he have resisted his penny-pinching ways and kept the better players on the books? I don’t know the answer to that question, if you’re waiting for a response… hence my concern.

Look, Dan Levy has played the game that is the transfer market far better than any other manager/sporting director in the top six over the last two years. And though this January’s moves don’t seem the shrewd on the surface, they could pay off and pave the way to Tottenham establishing themselves as a new force in the Premier League.

But if we somehow manage to shit the bed and slip out of the top four, I have no doubt that the whole house will go to hell. Falling out of the Champions League means we’ll no longer have any incentive to offer Bale or Modrić to stay. They’ll likely have to sell one, if not both. While that’s another £70 million to spend, it’s even more to replace.

And if that happens, I’ll be really, really pissed that I didn’t write that scathing post I had originally planned.

new year’s resolutions

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As 2011 winds to a close and the dawn of a new year is upon us, I imagine many of you are in the final stages of planning for the annual — and often eventually pointless — ritual called “New Year’s Resolutions”. Every year, millions around the world make commitments to achieve personal goals over the next year such as losing a set amount of weight, breaking bad habits or forming good new ones.

times square soccer ball

now that a very soccer ball-ish times square ball has dropped, it's time to think about what we want to have happen in 2012

However, despite these resolutions generally being made with the best of intentions, for one reason or another, we normally have a hard time keeping them. Scientists tell us that only 12% of all of New Year’s Resolutions are actually met by year’s end, a rate poor enough to make you wonder why we even make them in the first place.

Personally, I like to take the easy way out by not botering to make resolutions, period. By taking this approach, it prevents me from feeling disappointed when I don’t meet the overly ambitious targets I always end up setting for myself. After all, the easiest goals to achieve are the one’s you never make… or something like that.

But just because I don’t set my own resolutions, that doesn’t mean that I can’t make empty promises for other people instead.

Why pass up soaking in all of the instant gratification of setting ambitious goals, especially when I’m not responsible for any of the work that goes into turning dreams into reality?!

With that in mind, I present to you my idealistic 2012 World Football New Year’s Resolutions list:

For Mario Balotelli to keep being… Mario Balotelli

balotelli why always me

i don't know why, mario... but let's hope it stays that way.

To say that the young Manchester City starlet has endured a roller coaster 2011 might just be the understatement of the year. From the highs of driving around Manchester’s city centre in a convertible giving fans high fives, to the lows of lighting his own bathroom on fire with fireworks, the Italian starlet has been nothing short of a machine at producing ridiculous headlines. He seems more at home in a made-up comic strip than in the life of a real, live professional athlete. And that’s just the way we like it, especially since he tends to make my job writing significantly easier. So please, Super Mario, don’t go changing anything. Just keep being you: it’s what you do best.

For Jürgen Klinsmann to show his grand USMNT experiment is actually working.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I’m all for Klinsmann’s efforts to reshape the national team and build it a new identity, and I know that this transformation won’t happen overnight. It needs some time to set in, like any master plan, and I feel like a pretty patient guy. However, it’s hard to stomach loses and ties against sides that we had been — and should still be — beating. I’m not asking for us to start rolling over Mexico like the Spanish would Andorra, but I would prefer to see us start stringing together some positive results sooner rather than later. A continued run of bad showings could, after all, have a devastating impact on the team’s moral and confidence. And that’s definitely not something we need heading into World Cup qualifying.

For John Terry to finally get what’s coming to him.

I’ve made no secret for my distaste for Terry in this space, so it’s not surprising that I would want for fate to finally catch up with the bastard in 2012. And even though I don’t need to recant all of his sins since most of them have played out publicly, I still want to. So, here’s why John’s karma is long overdue to bite Mr. Chelsea: 2001) drunkenly taunts American tourists at Heathrow airport immediately after 9/11, 2002) charged with assault for an altercation with a nightclub bouncer, 2009) takes cash bribes to give unauthorized tours of Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge, 2010) may or may not have had an affair with a former teammate/friend’s baby mama, 2011) racially abuses the younger brother of international teammate during a match. Even though he’s been “cleared” in a majority of those cases, how can one guy be investigated for so many claims and they all be false? Oh yeah, they can’t. Cue the Law & Order dun-dun!

For Jose Mourinho to finally to overhaul Barcelona as the best side in Spain.

mourinho eye poke

if mourinho doesn't come out on top soon, i fear for eyes the world over.

I know it’s pretty unrealistic to think this could happen in the 2012 calendar year, despite the fact that Real are currently three points clear of rivals Barça going into the Winter Break. Pep Guardiola and his men definitely still have a death-grip like hold over Mourinho and his charges’ confidence, as is evident with their impressive strings of results in the multitude of Clásicos in 2011. And while I’d love to see Los Blancos regain the edge in the rivalry for reasons that include restoring “parity” to Spain (and I very loosely use the word parity considering it’s a league where only two teams ever win) and being a fan, my main reason for wanting to see Mourinho finally overcome his demons is much, much more important. You see, I fear that if the Special One’s galácticos don’t take over the crown as Spain’s best soon, I think he’s going to poke out EVERYONE’s eyes.

For Alex Morgan to increase the number of shoots she books like this one.

So what if I’m married? I’m allowed to have internet crushes on attractive celebrities just like anyone else. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with desiring to see more scantily clad pictures of my chosen crush. I mean as far as the picture shown, it underlines her ability to look attractive in both classy and sporty attire, not to mention her ability to knock the balls around… knock balls around the pitch you dirty perverts. And thanks to the WUSA WPS getting a renewed lease on life from US Soccer, Miss Morgan should stay in the limelight just a little bit more.

For Daniel Levy to not only continue sticking to his guns on not selling, but also pull the trigger on some big buys too.

Look, I’m stoked that the Tottenham chairman told Chelsea to shove their £40 million for Modrić where the sun doesn’t shine over the summer. It showed ambition, and sent a message to the rest of the growing egos in the locker room that nobody was bigger than the club. But aside from the last minute swoop for Rafa van der Vaart two summers ago and the bargain buying of Scott Parker from a desperate-for-cash West Ham, Levy hasn’t exactly shown any willingness to spend to match the club’s ambition. Though the free signing of Brad Friedel and the short-term solution of Adebayor up top have proven to be shrewd bits of business, the club desperately need to make a statement buy. Otherwise, can Spurs really consider themselves title challengers if we’re the only side that’s not continuously bringing in world class, young talent? I don’t think so.

For Neymar to finally move to a team in Europe, and for said team, to make him cut his hair.

neymar and his hair

hey, rufio. leave your hair in brazil once you leave for europe.

It might just be me, but I’ve grown extremely tired of the weekly Neymar transfer rumors. At this point, I’m not sure if the constant stream of “done deal” rumors to Real Madrid/Barcelona are actually true, or if it’s just an elaborate ruse by Santos to raise their asking price for the extremely talented young starlet. And if anything was learned from Barcelona wiping the floor with Santos at the Club World Cup final, it’s that Neymar needs to move on to a club where he’ll be pushed to raise the level of his game… and that clearly can’t happen in Brazil. And let’s be honest, a classier club will actually make the kid cut off his stupid rooster hair so he looks like a proper footballer.

For Blackburn Rovers owners Venkeys to finally put their manager out of his misery.

Don’t let yesterday’s upset win away at Old Trafford fool you: even a blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time. Said plainly, Rovers boss Steve Keane is not a Premier League caliber manager. The rumors of his impending sacking have been circulating since at least the tail end of last season. And to be completely honest with you, I have no clue how he’s still in his job. The Ewood Park outfit have struggled in nearly every department on field this season, and the fans have stood in unison for months saying that want the poor guy out. Maybe the Venkeys think they can save themselves from the drop if they just stick it out with the same manager all season, who knows. But regardless of whether you have a shit manager or not, if you don’t end up spending a significant amount of money to bring in fresh blood this January, you are going down.

For Carlos Tévez to end up at A.C. Milan.

With the dispute between Carlitos and City having now extended an entire half of a season, the Citizens are finally ready to rid themselves of this headache permanently. And luckily, they’ve lowered their asking price enough that a few other clubs are at least considering the thought of making a move for the temperamental striker. Though Corinthians have renewed their interest, the club making the most noise about signing Tévez are the Rosaneri. So why do I want him to end up there? Well, if Carlos is signed permanently, Milan will have the undisputed craziest front line in the world: Robinho (the brat), Pato (the indifferent), Cassano (the mad hatter), Ibrahimović (the bully) and Tévez (the ego). And with Silvio Berlusconi resuming his duties as club chairman, I’m really hoping he forces Allegri to play all five of them at once.

And lastly, for Fernando Torres to keep looking like this:

sulking torres on chelsea bench

panic attack

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I’m not having a panic attack. I swear… I think. Maybe I am having one. Well, wait… no I’m probably not having a panic attack.

luka modric during tottenham preseason training in south africa

apparently the saga over this man's signature has distracted levy and redknapp from getting any transfer work done this summer.

But with just a few days remaining until the Spurs’ delayed official start to the Premier League’s 2011-2012 season, Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy is officially making me lose sleep.

I know that last season was a bit of a mixed bag for Spurs and their fans. We were all enthralled by our magical European adventure, but also all rightly disappointed that the team couldn’t consistently put in the type of domestic performances that were earning them worthy praise on the continent.

As this post clearly points out, Tottenham were a team that could hang with the big boys. But on the flip side of the coin, they were decidedly average against team’s they should have been beating. The rigors of the Premier League, regardless of the competition faced each weekend, were too much to heap on players who were already being asked to carry heavy Champions League loads.

One thing that is certain is that the lack of activity in the January transfer window played a decently-sized part in the club’s eventual shortcomings.

The squad clearly needed reinforcements (in particular at the front end of the pitch) to continue battling on multiple fronts, and yet the only area they reinforced was the one area of the pitch that didn’t need that much help (although, a midfielder like Pienaar was a deal at the price we landed him for). Long story short, thin as the squad was, it couldn’t cope with a multi-competition battle.

So when Tottenham relinquished their short hold on a top four position back in the spring, both Levy and Redknapp admitted that big signings would be necessary to get the club back on track with their grand aspirations.

tottenham's brad friedel and michael dawson

friedel should help lift tottenham's defensive acumen, but he's not the impact signing that we had all hoped for.

Initially, long-term “dream” targets came back to the forefront. Forlán, Falcao, and Rossi were all floated in the deep pool of summer transfer rumors. But for various reasons (too old, too expensive, and too not for sale) none were realistic solutions to the Spurs’ striking woes. It appeared that Tottenham would either have to pony up and spend like the club has a super-rich foreign owner, or unearth a diamond in the rough.

Fellow Ohioan Brad Friedel was the first signing of the window, and though he was also a bargain-buy that addressed a weak spot in the team, his arrival was hardly the “big time” signing that we all wanted and the team needed.

But I remained optimistic; perhaps Friedel’s signing was the beginning of a torrid of transfer activity at White Hart Lane. After all, we don’t just need to buy at Tottenham: we also need to trim. With one of the largest squads in the Premier League last season, Levy remained (rightly) insistent that arrivals at the club would necessitate cash from sales.

Yet Friedel, to this point, remains the only transfer dealing of this extremely crucial off-season. One free signing, and only two paltry sums coming in after the Lillywhites finally disposed of serial-loanees Jamie O’Hara (to Wolves for £3.5m) and Robbie Keane (to LA Galaxy for £3m)… nothing official about Jenas, Hutton, Dos Santos, Bassong and Palacios being sold off to raise the all important cash.

So while Tottenham Hotspur seem to be twiddling their thumbs, all of their direct competitors have been busy strengthening their squads.

kun aguero at manchester city

though they bid for him in january, spurs never had a realistic shot of landing kun.

Manchester City, the club that’s recently been Tottenham’s biggest rival (as far as league places are concerned) over the last few years, have continued to spend astronomical sums on players they may (Stefan Savić) or may not (Clichy) need (Agüero could be unneeded if Tévez doesn’t leave). Sadly, additional devastating signings this window seem imminent. If they’re not competing for silverware on all fronts this season with the talent in that squad, then Mancini will have proven himself a moron of a manager.

Liverpool, the club that Tottenham displaced in the Champions League last season, look to have finally gotten back on track with new owner John Henry and new (and old) manager Kenny Dalglish aiming to return to their rightful place as an English power. The signings of Stewart Downing, Jordan Henderson, and José Enrique on top of the January signings of Suarez and Carroll, mean that the Reds have dropped a reported £94 million on getting themselves back in the top four.

Manchester United, the club that doesn’t ever have a down year, also look primed to continue their run of dominance over English football after finally dolling out a big chunk of the Ronaldo-sale money. Ashley Young, David de Gea and Phil Jones have arrived on the back of £50 million, plus there is emergence of Tom Cleverly and the possible arrival of Wesley Sneijder from Inter to further bolster their ranks. When Sir Alex said Tottenham could compete for the title this season, he must have forgotten that his team were competing in England this season.

Then there’s Chelsea, the club that’s played the part of Luka Modrić-stalker all summer long. To be honest, they’ve not spent much on players so far this summer (Lukaku and Romelu)… most of their outbound cash was to pry away Mourinho-lite Andre Villas-Boas from Porto as their new temporary manager. Their lack of player spending has definitely been surprising, as the club’s senior citizen squad looked in the most need of reinforcements. However, I fret that they might not quite be finished for understandable reasons.

And then there’s our North London rivals, Arsenal, the club that… well, thank god at least one of our rivals is looking to be in worse shape than us. Serves them right, that scum.

I sit and watch world-class players arriving at those clubs, and I think to myself: “Those are the types of players we need.” But then I remember, the reality of it is, we can’t afford those players.

Stuck in an undersized stadium that’s unable to generate the necessary revenues to truly invest in a squad, Harry and Daniel have openly admitted that we can’t compete with the big boys when it comes to wages and transfer funds. So, now we’re having to make do with less ambitious targets.

fc twente's bryan ruiz

ruiz would be an ideal, (relatively) cheap signing for tottenham. but is there enough time to pull it off?

Blackburn sweeper/striker Chris Samba‘s name keeps coming up, though improving the back four isn’t and shouldn’t be near the top of the club’s priority list. There have been links to another central midfielder in Real Madrid’s Lassana Diarra, which would make some sense if Palacios leaves. I’d love to see Twente’s Costa Rican striker/shampoo-commercial model Bryan Ruiz get bought, but with so little time left in the window, a deal like that would be tough. Maybe a loan move for everyone’s favorite mercenary, Emmanuel Adebayor, seems the most likely, but do we really want a player that nobody else wants?

And that’s not even touching on the possibility of Modrić leaving and how that could blow everything to hell. Levy seems to have the kid in a vice grip at the moment, but who knows what Chelsea’s millions could persuade the chairmen to do.

Look, my club’s biggest adversaries have spent over a combined £185 million pounds to solidify and/or improve their places in the league. Tottenham have spent zero. Everyone knew that Spurs needed to improve if they wanted to achieve their dream of becoming one of the big boys, and yet the club has done practically nothing to this point to show any of that necessary transfer ambition.

Sure, Harry Houdini could have another late-breaking, wheeling-and-dealing transfer that he’ll pull out of his sleeve like he did with van der Vaart. Maybe he’ll deliver the striker we so desperately need at 11:59pm on August 30th. But if he’ goes that long without a signing, I’d be more willing to bet that it will be another midfielder than a striker… ‘Arry seems to love those center of the park ballers.

And if that’s the case, someone call me a doctor… I’m going to need a prescription for Xanax that will last much longer than just through the remainder of this transfer window.

ten words or less #18

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now that ireland is at another new club, it was about time for him to bash his previous employers.

With the visual overhaul of the blog still ongoing, not to mention the need to continue to write for it too, I realized this morning that I reallly need to post this TWOL before the majority of these stories become outdated. If you happened to have read any of the following links already, just be sure to remember that you are not required to read them again.

A short history about baaallllllllllllsssss. – soccernet.com

Life lesson: don’t release owls during a match. – thespoiler.co.uk

I’ve never been, and never will be, this good. – youtube.com

Does anyone feel the excitement?!?!?! – soccerbyives.com

Great… a sound argument defending Allardyce-style tactics. – si.com

This is believable. – bbc.co.uk

The crazy free kick bar has been raised. – caughtoffside.com

Stephen Ireland wants to piss off everyone. – football365.com

round up #26

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what is going on over there?! it’s been completely lunacy in europe the last week, and i’m having trouble processing everything. first hughton was stupidly (though predictably) sacked by the fat idiot running newcastle. then carloz tevez puts in a transfer request because he’s “homesick,” only to have it promptly rejected. and then big sam is cut loose (unexpectedly, yet possibly intelligently) by blackburn’s new indian owners, i presume making him happy that he is finally able to chase his dream of managing real madrid or chelsea… or something like that.

i haven’t even touched on the craziness in the club world cup (the other inter losing) or liverpool slipping back into misery (more on that below).

and since i can’t decide what topic i want to spend a lot of time writing about, i’ll write a little about some other stuff in another round up

lech cup final: lech poznań vs. tottenham hotspur – thespoiler.co.uk
i love me some fans that support their clubs, regardless of the competition. it brings a tear to my eye when i see a quarter full reebok stadium for a 2nd round carling cup match. how dare those bolton fans not support their players like the ultras of polish side lech poznań, who don’t care what competition it is. to remind those fair-weather fans who don’t show enough love for their clubs, watch as hundreds (thousands?) of their supporters sing passionately and wave flags and light flares in this clip from the lech cup final… a u12 tournament.

passion comes in many forms… the most intense of which involve yelling at the top of your lungs at a bunch 11 and 12 year olds .

dedicated followers of fashion – soccernet.com
not that this would be all that surprising if you knew me, but if you did, you would know that i’ve been a sucker for trends nearly my whole life. if not just to look unique or different from the masses, i also often made switches to keep from being harassed by friends for not being like them (my switch from tighty-whities to boxers my freshman year of high school is the result of such ridicule). and that’s what i loved about this article, mostly because it called me out on at least three different footballing trends that i fell victim to during my playing career. i’ll let you guess which ones. honestly though, i’m just really glad that my beloved capri pants somehow missed the cut.

ghana given 72 hour fifa deadline – bbc.co.uk
refusing to do anything about consistently poor refereeing decisions, corrupt committee members, and questionable winning world cup bids have caused the world to raise a collective eyebrow at fifa in recent months. while the english media have been busy ruining their own bid prospects by uncovering bits of said shadiness, it’s also caused some of the world’s governing bodies to question the corruption they see in their own football infrastructure.

this week the government in ghana raided their FA building, taking phones and computers. obviously, those sitting at the head of fifa’s table are not in favor of such bean spilling, giving a thinly veiled warning that they prefer an end to “government intervention” in the GFA’s affairs. 72 isn’t exactly enough time for a government to come to a conclusion as to whether their footballing officials are in someone’s (ahem, fifa’s) back pocket, now is it?

roy hodgson rubs his face – youtube.com
what, two videos in one post? yes, but this one is worth observing.

this concerns me and i’m not even a scouser. if you’re a supporter of the reds and this doesn’t concern you, i’m also concerned about you. this video clearly illustrates why i am concerned, as roy appears to be starting to crumble under the pressure of expectation for his an uninspired side.

fifa president says gays should refrain from homosexuality during qatar world cup – pinknews.co.uk
i’ll admit, i’m not normally patrolling the boards of pinknews for footballing news, so many thanks to technohub88 at reddit for digging this out of the interwebs. like i needed any more reason to be angry at sepp blatter and the decision to award qatar the 2022 world cup, but this is really starting to get ridiculous. who are fifa to tell people how to act outside of the world cup stadiums and in the privacy of their lodging? how smart is it to be awarding a country with such blatant disregard for human rights an event of this magnitude?

ten words or less #9

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why, hello there... creep.

it’s another european week, and i’ve been busy trying to keep my dvr from choking to death on all of the games i’m making it record. i’m also trying to keep my brain from choking to death on all of the analyzing that is required to understand why madrid can’t score more than one time against auxerre…. auxerre! oh well, at least they won. now whether or not tottenham will crap the bed today against fc twente, well let’s not hold our breath.

in the mean time, enjoy the links below to keep you satisfied until today’s kickoff(s):

cave man modeling is not hot. – whoateallthepies.tv

aannnddd… now we should lock the door behind him! – unprofessionalfoul.com

the first guy was maradona to a T. – youtube.com

“shooting themselves in the foot” seems the right phrase. – soccerlens.com

lack of confidence, or brilliant plan? not quite sure. – skysports.com

don’t want to be a moron? then understand uefa coefficients. – theoffiside.com

big sam receives the deserved haha treatment. – guardian.co.uk

you’ll be creeped out by von bommel and müller. – dirty tackle @ yahoo.com

the next big step

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for those of us who grew up in the 80′s and 90′s, the idea of american soccer players in europe pretty much only came true when they visited the old continent for vacations. fantasies of american’s playing in europe were almost exactly that… fantasies.

sure their were pioneers who crossed the pond for short stints. john kerr played for clubs like portsmouth, peterborough united and linfield of northern ireland. paul caligiuri played for the prestigious meppen (4th division), hansa rostock (3rd division) and freiburg (bundesliga!), all of germany. i recall ’94 cup stars cobi jones (coventry city), alexi lalas (padova) and eric wynalda (saarbrücken and vfl bochum) all having some short playing careers with teams that weren’t exactly “elite.”

once upon a time, when kasey keller actually had hair, american's had to prove they could make the giant leap to europe's elite leagues.

so needless to say, we weren’t seeing many american’s living the “european dream” and making their way to the big leagues of europe.

it wasn’t until the late 90′s when yanks started to make regular appearances in some of europe’s top leagues. claudio reyna (wolfsburg and rangers), kasey keller (millwall, leicester city and spurs), earnie stewart (willem ii, NAC breda), brad friedel (liverpool, blackburn and aston villa) and even john harkes (sheffield wednesday and west ham) became regulars in elite level competitions…albeit not always for the best teams.

it was those players making themselves established names for top level sides that was the first big step for american’s in in europe.

that they were able to hold their places in those leagues paved the way for clint dempsey to become a star at fulham, tim howard to become one of the best keepers in england at everton, and jozy altidore to be given several half-chances in two of the top leagues in europe. without that big step, players like stuart holden would have had little chance to ever become a starter for bolton, or marcus hahnemann to find regular work in the top flight in england, or for oguchi onyewu to make a disastrous ”dream move” to a.c. milan.

but despite all of this success, yanks still aren’t exactly respected overseas. it’s taken one big step (and a multitude of little ones) to get us where we are today, and it’s likely going to take another big step for us to truly gain the respect of our peers across the pond.

so what is that next big step for american soccer?

to answer my question above that none of you probably even tried to answer, the next big step for american football is for one of us to land coaching jobs in europe’s top flights.

look, the euros don’t trust us about anything, including topics away from the pitch. when it comes to the economy, they’d rather listen to germany. when it comes to style, they prefer the designers in paris and florence to those of new york and l.a. they like our music, but they’re better at it then we are (for the most part).

as detailed above, they’re only now beginning to trust american’s in their football. they definitely don’t trust us to be owners, unless of course it’s to prevent a russian from buying their team. and while we’ve made headway in that department on the pitch, europeans sure as shit haven’t entrusted one of their sides to being guided by an american mind from the bench.

putting an american on the pitch is one thing, because if he screws up, you can sub him out. but to put an american on the bench, in the changing rooms, and directing on the training pitch is much more of an “investment” for the club. it’s not like you can just sub him off for a portion of the game; he’s making the decisions the whole game. and the next one. and the one after that. you can fire him, but that’s expensive.

giving an american the gaffer’s role means you have to totally trust his decision making, his strategies, and his ability to perform under the intense pressure of the media and fans. and that’s why this would be the next big step for american’s in the world of football. if an american manager can deliver in the international realm, we will convince everyone that we’re relevant and worth the risk.

to this point, there really haven’t been any american coaches that are even worthy enough to be considered for such a role. steve sampson? get out of here with your 3-6-1. bruce arena? maybe, but he showed his failings a the 2006 finals in germany. the mere fact that our national team often looks abroad first to fill it’s coaching vacancies is testament enough to say we haven’t ever produced a high quality coach.

so who is the man that’s going to take this next big step for us?

aston villa fans should shudder at the thought of seeing this face being made on their sidelines.

everyone’s favorite i-robot and current USMNT coach, bob bradley, certainly thinks he’s got a big enough stride.

i guess based on pedigree alone, bradley probably is the most qualified coach we’ve ever produced. he’s been relatively successful at the collegiate and MLS levels, and he’s done well enough with the national team. taking the team to the confederations cup final in 2009 (with a massively impressive win against spain), as well as “winning” the group at this summer’s world cup are enough to say he did his job sufficiently.

but don’t mistake those words as my endorsement for bradley to be the first american coach in europe. remember, i’m the same guy that said he needed to be fired from the USMNT post during the confederations cup. sure i wrote that before the spain win, but my reasons are unchanged.

bradley’s massive short coming as a manager is his ability to adjust tactics quickly enough in a game to make a difference. i’m not saying i would be better at it than he would, but even extremely talented managers such as liverpool’s roy hodgson struggle with this from time to time.

the problem is that bradley struggles with it a lot. and at times, it’s against teams like honduras and trinidad & tobago. think what would happen when bradley’s side comes up against master tacticians such as old red nose, the professor or money mad mancini week in, week out.

and tactical agility won’t be the only thing facing bradley should he land the aston villa job:

  • martin o’niell ditching the team days before the season means that bob will be left with the task of reigning the team back in. that takes a lot of testicular fortitude, especially with head-strong players such as new arrival stephen ireland.
  • the villains are a club with ambition. the microscope of the press and fans will be heavily upon him, scrutinizing each move he does/doesn’t make.
  • oh yeah, and he has absolutely no experience managing in england. it doesn’t take a paragraph to say that the game is a bit different from MLS and the international realm. this also makes him an extremely risky pick for aston villa or any other club.

so if you hadn’t been able to read between the lines to this point, i’ll just come out and say it. i don’t think bob’s the man to take that next step for our country’s soccer development. whether or not he will actually get the job (or whether he’s even being considered for it) is another story all together.

maybe he could be the solution somewhere in europe… but if that’s the case, he definitely needs to aim lower. start off in the championship, or maybe in a smaller league (belgium or holland perhaps?). and even then, he’s still a risk for a multitude of reasons.

sorry, bob… you’re just not ready yet. but there’s always time, and there will certainly

the european playoff proposition

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I love the promotional playoffs in English Championship. They add an additional layer of drama to an already drama-filled promotional race at the end of each season. Often times, the playoffs expose little known teams to the big-time spotlight, giving those sides a rare shot of a match at the fabled Wembley.

The play playoffs are also provide a unique solution to a problem that plagues the promotion-relegation system in England.

In recent years, the top flight Premier League has received increasingly lucrative broadcasting deals, with a majority of these profits distributed amongst the member clubs based on final ranking in the league table for that season. So the higher your team finishes, the larger slice of the profits it receives. The lower divisions have a substantially smaller broadcasting contract than the Premier League, a jaw-dropping £1 million per game versus £45 million. This often produces a large disparity in revenues for lower league clubs compared to their top-tier counterparts, thus making it more difficult for those sides to compete.

the playoff system has provided jubilation for teams like burnley. why couldn't playoffs do the same for fulham, man city or tottenham?

After a club is relegated from the Premiership, for the next two seasons they receive a parachute payment from the higher-tiered league’s television contract to help them cope with the loss of revenue. The complaint here is that these parachute payments to former Premiership sides has in-turn created another gulf in wealth between those clubs and clubs who have never reached such lofty heights.

Many believe, and rightfully so, that these parachute payments have created a “bounce back” effect that enables the richer sides to quickly regain promotion back to the higher league. And as the cycle repeats itself, an ever increasing gap in income eventually makes it impossible for new sides to ever be promoted… or so the paranoid will have you believe.

That’s where the playoff system comes in as a solution. By allowing the sixth through third place finishers in the league fight through a playoff tournament for the the third and final promotion place, you increase the chances of a side that hasn’t been promoted before (or at least in a while) to make the jump up. The final of the Championship playoff is often referred to as the richest game in football, due to the large financial boost the winning club will receive from the Premier League’s broadcasting revenue the next season.

Want proof that the playoff system serves this important purpose? Here are some examples from the last ten years:

  • Burnley finished 5th in the Championship last year, yet gained promotion to the Premier League for the first time since 1976. They earned this reward by first knocking off 4th place finisher Reading, and then by defeating third-placed Sheffield United in the final before a crowd of 80,500 at Wembley.
  • In 2005, West Ham finished 6th in the Championship before beating 5th place finishers Preston North End in the playoff final to earn promotion.
  • The 2004 final saw 6th place Crystal Palace knock-off 3rd place Sunderland in the semifinal, and then 4th place West Ham to go up.
  • In 2003, 5th placed Wolves beat 3rd placed Sheffield United to make the jump.
  • The 2002 playoffs had 5th place Birmingham City and 6th placed Norwich City advanced to the playoff final, with Birmingham city taking the spoils.

In fact in the last decade alone, only four 3rd place finishers (Bolton in 2001, Watford in 2006, Derby County in 2007 and Hull City in 2008) have won the playoffs to claim the promotion spot that would have been theirs had there been no playoffs.

And it’s this discussion and thought process that scares the living bejezus out of the Big Four clubs.

Why? Because some members of the Premier League are pushing for awarding the fourth and final Champions league spot to the winner of a similarly designed playoff. No set format has been discussed to this point, but they are debating allowing teams as low as 7th place to have a shot at the big show.

Man United’s Fergie isn’t a fan. Liverpool’s fat spanish waiter doesn’t want it, though admittedly that’s probably because his side is most likely to concede their spot. Arsene Wenger of arsenal thinks it’s a bad idea. And even Man City’s Roberto Mancini is against it, even though it’s his side who would currently benefit from the plan.

So the next question becomes, why would the Premier League do this?

One word: money.

Remember the 39th Game proposal that the clubs shot down a season ago? This plan was to serve two purposes. Firstly it was to give smaller sides (who typically don’t do foreign tours in the summer) more exposure in new markets, and consequently grow the fan base of those sides and the Premiership as a whole. Secondly and as a result of the first, by increasing the fan base and exposure of the Premier League, the demand for watching the entire season would go up in new markets and would likely grow foreign revenue streams (broadcasting rights, shirt sales, sponsorship opportunities, etc.). Oh yeah, and the league could continue to line it’s pockets by broadcasting these games on a pay-per-view basis.

FIFA was, unsurprisingly, against this idea. Sure, it would grow the Premier League’s popularity… but it would also cannibalize the local leagues’ exposure at the same time. I mean, who would you rather watch: a bunch of hacks locals that play for Selangor FA from the Malaysian Super League, or a mid-table Premiership side. No contest, right?

This European playoff is no different. The EPL will try to mask their new plan’s monetary ambitions by saying things like, “It will give the mid-table teams something to play for at the end of the season,” “The fans will love it,” or “It will provide more parity in the league.”

The fans will no doubt go crazy for it, especially for those that rarely — if ever — see their club compete for a Champions League spot suddenly getting a shot at the big time. That’s why it’s not really that surprising that mid-table clubs are obviously throwing their support at the proposal. And why not? Tottenham and Aston Villa have been trying to crack the top four for years now; this would give them an easier route to do so. And yes, by giving more teams a chance to pull in lucrative Champions League money, parity might be restored… if only a tiny, tiny bit.

But make no mistake, the playoff for the last Champions League spot would serve the exact same purpose as the 39th game plan. They want to find a new way to get a tsunami of cash pouring into the league coffers each season. And it’s that greedy ambition that makes me think that the Champions League playoff proposal is a terrible idea.

The first, and biggest reason why the playoffs shouldn’t happen is fixture congestion. The fixture calendar in England is already too crowded, with some teams taking part in up to five official competitions in a season (Ex: Manchester United in 2009-2010: the Premiership, FA Cup, League Cup, Champions League, and the FIFA Club World Cup). Asking a team to play potentially three more games would further expose the players to exhaustion and injury. In years that feature international tournaments, the playoffs would rob players of some of the crucial rest period between the end of the domestic season and the World Cup/European Championships.

The other thing that the Premier League may be taking for granted is that the fourth Champions League spot is hardly a guarantee. UEFA awards the number of Champions League places given to each country based on how that country’s teams have performed in European competitions over the previous seasons. If your league’s teams consistently perform poorly, then your coefficient will change and one of your spots could be awarded to another country (I hope you’re listening, Italy).

even league champions may not have the right pedigree for european competition. imagine how a 7th place team may fare in europe.

When Blackburn qualified for the Champions League by shockingly winning the title in 1995, the Rovers crashed out of the Champions League finishing bottom of their group with just four points to show. Though a talented side, their lack of European experience was the obvious reason for their failings on the continent.

If the Champions League playoffs had been in place last season, we could have potentially seen Fulham in the Champions League this season. And though Fulham are handling themselves just fine in the Europa League this season, would they be able to cut the mustard in the more competitive competition? Notice that European heavyweights Liverpool struggled this season in the Champions League, despite being very acclimated to the competition.

The point I’m trying to make is if the Premier League sends under qualified competitors to the Champions League, and they perform poorly, then there is a good chance that England could lose out on their fourth spot.

And there’s another huge kink in this design. How will the Premier League deal with doling out the Europa League qualification places if the playoff format is applied? Normally the qualification spots(s) is(are) given to the the fifth (and typically sixth) place finisher(s) in the league. Do they give the europa spots to runners up for the playoffs? Do they give it to the fifth place finisher as normal, and if so, what happens if that team wins the playoff?

If the the Premier League adopt this plan, there are just too many complications if you ask me.

Now don’t get me wrong: I would love to watch these playoffs regardless of what teams were involved. There would be just as much drama and excitement in them as the promotional playoffs. And as a Tottenham fan, the playoffs sound great since Spurs chances of reaching the Europe’s biggest stage will definitely go up.

But honestly, the system works just fine as it is now. Why throw in any more unnecessary layers in the process? Let’s leave Champions League qualification alone, and let everyone qualify based on season long-merit. Don’t let the thoughts of even more money skewer the judgment in this scenario.

And besides, knowing my luck, Tottenham will finally land fourth place the year that these rules are enacted… and you know they’ll just blow it in the playoffs anyway.