ten words or less #34

sexy mike ashley

after seeing newcastle owner mike ashley's sexy body, i bet you're not mad at me anymore for not posting for a week. right?

I feel a bit like a bad boyfriend right now, one who’s been accused of ignoring my long-term girlfriend for a while, since I haven’t posted in a week. And even though it appears that I’ve not been working on it — ignoring the fact this TWOL post has been sitting around for at least a week itself — I promise that I’ve got some original content in the pipeline for you. Whether you’ll find that new content interesting, that’s another issue…

So, consider this quick posting a small bouquet of flowers to make up for my perceived lack of attentiveness.

“FIFA: For the Good of the Game a Select Few” - grantland.com

Barcelona youth teams occasionally have to play on dirt pitches!?!? – youtube.com

I would watch this. – regista-blog.com

Spanish football is in some serious (financial) shit. – fourfourtwo.com

Germany loves my favorite formation: the 4-2-3-1. – soccernet.com

If true, I’m just glad it’s not some Union-Jack monstrosity. – football-shirts.co.uk

More bad ass football art. – miniboro.com

A brilliantly written article on racism in football. – runofplay.com

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ten words or less #24

alejandro faurlin and neil warnock celebrate QPR's possible promotion.

perhaps faurlin (left) and QPR won't be enjoying the spoils of the premier league next season

the steam is running out of my team’s, and it’s seriously impacting my interest in the rest of the their respective seasons. real madrid are (deservingly) eliminated from europe. tottenham are (predictably) pissing away their season of “living the dream.” it’s hard as a fan of both clubs to watch on with both having very little left to play for besides pride (although if tottenham lose out on the europa league to liverpool, i might suffer an aneurysm).

forgive me my tears, for i am only human.

so as we prepare for a weekend full of title and relegation-deciding matches, here’s a quick round-up of some interesting reads from around the world of football.

no, no, no, no, no. screw clattenburg. – dirty tackle @ yahoo.com

someone should not get paid for this. - designfootball.com

it pains me to post, but another artistic masterpiece. – youtube.com

this is a huge step forward for MLS. – soccerbyives.com

how the hell did the ball move like that?!?! - sportpost.com

have to admit, i’m a little envious of this guy. – soccerbible.com

busquets is a disgrace: more evidence. – youtube.com

QPR are all smiles now; maybe they shouldn’t be. – qprnet.com

something needs to be done about barcelona

the first leg of the el clásico champions league semifinal should have been one of the most epic football matches of all time.

barcelona surround the referee to try and sway his decision

this really needs to stop.

in terms of sheer talent on the pitch at one time, the champions league has probably never seen so much: the two best players, (arguably) the two best teams, and the two of the best three managers in the world (can’t ignore fergie). monetarily, only 9 of the 22 players that started the match are not among the 100 highest paid footballers in the world. the match up between madrid and barcelona is one the most heated rivalries in all of sports, between two of the most storied clubs in all of football. a clash of the titans if you will.

unfortunately, we didn’t get what we all had hoped.

everyone will be saying that the biggest problem in the game was with the way real played. “anti-football” they call it. but it wasn’t. if anyone expected to see a free-flowing spectacle of a match with loads of attacking, well, they’re just stupid.

we were already given two sneak peaks as to how these champions league fixtures would play out. the first example came in the relatively calm league encounter, where neither manager wanted to expose their plans for the matches to come. the second and more revealing sign of things to come came in the copa del rey final. with a trophy on the line, we got to see mourinho’s so-called “anti-football” finally neutralize barcelona’s “total football.”

it may just be me, but how could anyone expect a mourinho-lead team to not play a suffocating/stifling defensive strategy against barcelona? he did the exact same thing when facing the the catalonians while at the hemls of chelsea and internazionale.

at the midway point of last night’s match, the commentators during the halftime shows universally complained about how los merengues weren’t “playing the game” and were “raping and murdering football” (i might have made that last one up, but the point was still being made). really?

look, nobody is going to beat barcelona playing their game. you can’t just go out and buy players and get them to play confidence crushing tiki-taka the way barça do, mainly because it takes years of playing together to develop that cohesion and positional awareness within a side. arsenal play the most similar style, yet they couldn’t even hold a candle to the blaugrana in the first knockout round.

mourinho, however, is the only one who has been able to crack the catalonian code. sure it’s ugly, boring, defensive, and anti-footballish at times. but it can work against barcelona, and that’s why madrid hired him. i don’t think you’ll hear any inter fans or board members angry with mourinho for playing ugly soccer; they’re all too busy trying to drink from their champions league trophy.

(and if i’m being completely honest here, barcelona’s tiki-taka system can produce some pretty big snoozers too. they have so much possession of the ball, particularly after they score, that the game often becomes pointless to watch. it’s the same thing as watching a blowout in basketball: after a while, it’s just not that fun to the neutral viewer.)

so to all of the pundits and fans out there decrying mourinho’s tactics, take a hike. what would you rather barça’s opponents do:  roll over and concede the games before their played? get out of here. that would kill the game.

all that said, the media do seem to be ignoring a rather large part of the barça persona, and it is, in my opinion, a hugely troublesome issue.

sergio busquets peeks through his hands, looking to see if he earned inter a card.

hey. busquets. we see what you're up to.

barcelona’s incredible dominance of, brilliance in, and flag bearing for the beautiful game has rightly earned them a massive, worldwide following. the effect of their rise to the appex of the sport will be felt for years to come, as a million future little messis, xavis and piques are being heavily influenced by their style of play and club ethos. unfortunately though, they’re not all learning good habits.

what the media is largely ignoring, and i’m taking such an issue with, is that barça are a completely ethically horrible team. they dive, simulate, bitch, moan and harass more than any other side in the world. instead, they pay loads of attention to how mourinho thinks there’s a referee conspiracy, real madrid play anti-football, or collectively kissing barcelona’s blue and red striped ass.

fifa have made it pretty clear lately that they intend to eliminate diving from the game. yet, the crown jewel in the club game’s stable regularly employs some of the most ridiculous divers out there (ronaldo/nani/ibrahimovic aside). pedro, sergio busquets, dani alves were all at the top of their simulation game during yesterday’s el clásico. and the trio, along with regular offenders like david villa and mascherano, have been using these dirty little tricks for quite some time. especially busquets.

on top of that, anytime there is a decision that could go against one of their opponents, their entire team crowds around the referee. you’ll see them there, pleading with and pressuring the official to give their foes the yellow/red card they so “rightfully” deserve. isn’t this something the governing bodies were trying to rid the game of, as well?

so not only are barcelona’s players actively trying to earn the opposition cards by simulating non-existent fouls, but they follow that up by pressuring the referee to give a card for a foul that never happened.

sergio busquets simulating a foul

not only is this unacceptable, but barcelona don't even need to do it.

why are they doing this?!?!  this is a team that doesn’t need to cheat to win. they’re already good enough to beat everyone fair and square.

and while their style of play does seem to “invite” the other team to foul (either through frustration of never having possession, getting rough with their own tackles, or by releasing the ball just as the other player is about to tackle), it’s not an excuse to fake a foul that they thought would happen.

not that i can prove otherwise, but if this is tactical directive from guardiola, i’ve lost a lot of respect for him. when mourinho says things like the following, it makes you a little more suspect:

let’s hope he gets the chance to win a clean champions league, without scandals.

what fifa, uefa, and the media don’t see is that, by ignoring this issue, they are only undermining their efforts to clean up the game. if a million child/teenage barcelona  fans that were watching the game learned anything from yesterday’s match, it’s that they can earn the other team a card if they only make the effort. try to fake a foul. try to pressure the referee. try to cheat. the effects of these lessons will continue to ripple through the world of soccer just as long as all of the positive things that the blaugrana bring to the game.

you’ll never be able to rid your sport of it’s evils if you allow it’s greatest spokesman to be it’s biggest cheat.

ten words or less #12

for your benefit and mine, i will be limiting myself to only ten words on this event.

it’s been ten days of mixed emotions here at wrong side of the pond. while i’m obviously elated at spurs incredible displays during this time, the roller coaster ride prior to both dramatic final whistles makes me wonder how i didn’t suffer a heart attack. (tangent alert: i feel like the lillywhites are a shiny new redracer wagon that some neighborhood kid is speeding down the hill far too fast, the wheels just about to fall off, with only a few more exhilirating moments that will ultimately end in a heaping pile of disaster at the bottom of the hill. end tangent).

then of course there’s what happened in monday’s game in spain… actually i’ve decided i’m not going to talk much about el clásico. you can thank me later for sparing you an extra 2,000 words or so.

instead, i’ll give you less than 80. you’re welcome.

let’s get this over with: diagraming an epic ass kicking. – zonalmarking.com

this makes me laugh. a lot. – reddit.com/r/soccer

i want this for christmas. – inbedwithmaradona.com

conceding keeper deserves to be slapped. – sportpost.com

this is a realistic possibility for tomorrow. – studsup.com

on-field shart during the world cup? worst nightmare ever. – youtube.com

additional arshavin awesomeness. – dirty tackle @ yahoo.com

this is why bolton are doing so well this year? – thespoiler.co.uk

clásico conundrums

you would think that most of the world’s soccer eyes would be cast upon european competition this week. and with so many intriguing plot lines for champions league match day 5, it would be normal to think that way (my favorite: will liverpool be able to pull off another european miracle and keep their hopes of advancing alive? probably not!). but this isn’t normal footballing week.

"el clásico can often be a testy affair," pepe tries to explain to messi

no, this is the week of el clásico.

and let’s get this straight before we go any further: there is only one true clásico rivalry. many rivalries around the world have tried to claim the title for themselves. there’s the completely ridiculously titled superclásico between MLS’s l.a. galaxy and chivas usa (though there is a budding rivalry developing between the teams that share the home depot center). there’s also the similarly titled el súper clásico between mexico’s chivas de guadalajara and club américa. the heated rivalry between argentina’s river plate and boca juniors, also known as the superclásico, might have the most legitimate reason to claim the name.

but none of those rivalries hold a candle to the real el clásico, between spain’s real madrid and barcelona. in my humble opinion, this is the world’s biggest soccer rivalry (my apologies to scotland’s old firm rivalry between rangers and celtic as a close second) and probably the world’s biggest sports rivalry period (some ohio state and michigan fans probably just closed their browser windows). none of them have the cultural significance of el clásico though, which polarizes the entire spanish nation along the lines of the capital city and the defiant catalunya movement.

the two clubs have combined to win 50 of the 78 domestic league titles thus far, with the runner up often times being the other club. throw in that madrid have won the european crown a staggering 9 times, and barcelona having won the champions league twice in the last four years, and you begin to see the magnitude of the rivalry.

this year’s 155th el clásico is particularly appealing due to the influx of star names to each clubs’ rosters. of course i’m talking about the addition of the “new galácticos” into madrid’s roster: kaká, xabi alonso, karim benzema and the spectacular cristiano ronaldo. barça already had a squad deep with world class talents (xavi, iniesta, thierry henry and the mercurial lionel messi), but the catalan club felt it necessary to make their own big splash by bringing in zlatan ibrahimovic.

with the potential for so much offensive firepower, the spanish press has been drooling about the match up for nearly a month. but a host of injuries on both sides of the trenches is threatening to rob the game of much of its star appeal:

  • real’s ronaldo is coming off a lengthy spell in the training room, having last played for los blancos in their 3-1 champions league win over marseille on september 30. prior to that though, the portuguese attacker had scored an unprecedented nine goals in seven first team appearances.
  • barça are sweating on the fitness of their “atomic flea,” having seen messi carted off from their weekend draw with athletic bilbao. it was originally feared that he had suffered a torn thigh, though it appears the injury is not quite that serious. the argentinian wünderkid has been in sensational form this season too, having netted eleven times and contributing five assists in all competitions this season.
  • the blaugrana are also awaiting the return of their star summer signing, as ibrahimovic has also been sidelined for the last ten days with a thigh strain. the big swede will be particularly keen to return in the midweek fixture against his former club inter milan. he’s also been quite prolific this term, having scored eight times in thirteen appearances.
  • barcelona are also being hit hard by the swine flu, with eric abidal, yaya toure and rafael marquez all having been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus.

also, neither team is experiencing a great run of form at the moment, at least by their high standards. barça have only won twice in their last five outings, though the other three matches were ties. this dip in results has allowed their hated rivals to reclaim the top spot in la liga. and though madrid are 4-0-1 in their last five with no losses, this follows the embarrassing 0-4 drubbing by lowly third division side alcorcon to knock them out of the copa del rey.

add in the peculiar situations that each club finds themselves in with their champions league groups, and the looming el clásico this weekend becomes that much more complex.

can ronaldo regain his golden touch after such a lengthy spell on the sidelines?

real have the (slightly) more comfortable position at the moment. currently sitting tied with a.c. milan on points at the top of group C, however los blancos are behind the italians based on head-to-head results. however, they can’t rest on their laurels as marseille is just a point behind them. ronaldo has been declared fit for their clash with group minnows f.c. zurich, and manager manuel pelligrini will feel the pressure to put his star man on the pitch to ensure the result and improve their chances of moving on from the group. my message to the gaffer: leave ronaldo on the bench for the start of the match. there’s no reason to risk him before el clásico, so just bring him on for a short cameo towards the end of the match to help him get his legs back.

barcelona’s champions league future is far less certain, as the defending champs sit third in their group and are in real danger of not qualifying for the knockout stage. if they lose today’s high profile clash against inter milan, and russian high-flyers rubin kazan beat dynamo kiev, then the blaugrana will be out. suddenly under pressure manager pep guardiola might feel it necessary to risk his injured stars in this match to bolster his side’s chances of advancing.  if i were in his shoes, i don’t know that i wouldn’t risk them them either with so much at stake. however, should either messi or zlatan not make the el clásico line up at the nou camp this weekend, guradiola knows it will dent the morale of his side.

let us also not forget that madrid have a debt to repay in this weekend’s match of matches. at the tail end of last season, barça strutted into madrid’s santiago bernabéu stadium and thrashed the home side 6-1. and while a similar retaliation is what the pro-madrista press are calling for, if real leave barcelona this weekend with a point it will be a success.

however, if madrid can wrestle all three points away from the match, it could be the turning point of both teams’ seasons. a four point gap at the summit awaits los blancos if they can win. and though that doesn’t sound like much, in spain it can certainly swing the momentum one way or the other (i’m holding my breath for it to swing to madrid’s side!)

the heavy weight of lofty expectations sits on both teams shoulders coming into this match up. unfortunately, much of the game’s script could be written before the sunday kick off, depending on who does and doesn’t see the pitch in the champions league matches today and tomorrow.

let’s hope for a lack of injuries this week and full strength sides at the weekend, as it could be a clásico full of fireworks.