Tag Archives: jose mourinho

not gonna happen

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Forget this writing gig… I’m going to become a bookie. Because if I’m really ever going to make some money out of my life long love affair with soccer, that’s clearly the best avenue.

Mourinho Caught Back in London

turns out having this guy pop up back in london will cause quite a stir. and just in case, i'm NOT talking about the dude on the right.

In order to get paid to play, I’d have to be good (I’m not). In order to manage, I should probably have first been a player (Ditto). I could be an agent or an administrator, but only if I knew the right people (I don’t know enough of them). Or I could always referee, if only I was a bit mental (I’m not that mental). And there’s a million writers out there, so I’m currently a dime a dozen (Sigh). So that narrows my options to just sports betting and organized crime… which are more or less the same industry, anyway.

For instance, take a look at the current betting odds on who will be the permanent manager at Chelsea Football Club at the start of next season, when Roberto “The Players Hate Me More Than AVB” Di Mateo’s stint as caretaker is currently scheduled to end. At the time of writing, the favorites are as follows:

Rank Manager Odds
1 José Mourinho 13/8
2 Fabio Capello 11/4
3 Pep Guardiola 4/1
4 Rafael Benítez 5/1
5 Roberto Di Mateo 10/1

So what about those numbers has me contemplating a career switch? Oh I don’t know… probably because there’s not a chance in hell that the man currently sporting the best odds will actually end up taking the Chelsea job. I think anyone putting their hard-earned money on Mourinho is simply giving it away to someone… why shouldn’t they be giving that money to me?!?!

Now after reading such a bold claim, I can understand if you’re questioning my confidence about the matter, what with so much time before the position will be filled and so many possible indicators already seeming to hint as much. I mean, he made no secret of his recent house hunting trip to London. Many fans will be quick to place a quid or two on Mourinho taking the job for just that reason, like they’ve forgotten that there will potentially be two other high-profile job openings in the same city this summer.

Either way, trust me when I say it’s not gonna happen. And it won’t happen for two very important reasons: what’s happened in the past, and what has to happen in the future.

Study the past, if you would divine the future.
Before we can even truly consider the Special One returning to Stamford Bridge, we have to look at why he left to begin with. It’s very important to remember that prior to leaving, José was literally a Messiah at Chelsea. He led the Blues to Premier League titles in each of his first two seasons with the club — their first in 50 years — and a club-first FA and League Cup double the following season. And while his departure seemed sudden and abrupt in September 2007, the seeds of discontent for the Portuguese manager were actually being sowed as early as 2006.

shevchenko and mourinho at chelsea

mourinho was never a fan of shevchenko, and yet roman insisted that he stay in the squad.

The first major sign of any trouble brewing between the Russian and Portuguese came with the 2006 summer signings of Andriy Shevchenko and Michael Ballack. Neither fit the mold of a typical Mourinho signing — both were proven/veteran superstars instead of up-and-coming youngsters or relative unknowns — and many rightly wondered whether they were more of Roman’s signings than José’s. Shevchenko in particular had long been admired by Abramovich, and when his €30m signing effectively ate up all of Mourinho’s transfer budget for the summer, he was bound to be displeased.

Of course, the media were quick to jump all over the emerging rift, labeling these so-called “Abrambovich signings” as the proof that the Chelsea manager was being undermined by his owner. And while neither player ever lived up to their star billings, Shevchenko’s inability to adjust to life in West London was particularly glaring. Yet despite the Ukrainian’s obviously poor form, Roman continued to pressure his manager to play his pricey signing… something that did not sit well at all with Mourinho.

But even as these troubles were brewing in the background, José was able to rally his troops and produce successes. Disciplined counterattacking and a vice-like defense were the key tenets of the Mourinho’s ability to produce trophies, but by late 2006 it became quietly known that Roman was not pleased with such “unattractive” methods. The Russian oligarch desired free-flowing, attacking football out of his side. He wanted Chelsea to be the Barcelona of London, yet the complete opposite was on display week in and week out with Mourinho at the helm.

So when Roman appointed Avram Grant as a Director of Football — a position normally responsible for overseeing player transfers – at the beginning of the 2007/2008 campaign, the not-so-private lack of backing was finally enough to push the Special One to the breaking point. After a string of disappointing results and a series of crisis meetings between Mourinho, Abramovich and the rest of the board, it was clear that there was no reconciling and the Special One walked away.

Saying that “bridges were burned” between Mourinho and Abramovich would be a gross understatement. It was more like the bridge had been bombed by Allied troops in World War II: if you hadn’t known there was a bridge there before, you would never know one had been there at all.

And though there’s been talk that some reconciling has taken place since, you have to wonder how much José trust his former employer anymore. If he were to come back to Chelsea, would the boss man be able to guarantee Mourinho the total (and I mean total) autonomy to run the club as he sees fit? Judging by the latest rumors indicating that Mou would be willing to return only if that autonomy is promised — along with absurd wages and that the guarantee that Ronaldo would be purchased too — shows that the Russian will have to put his money where his mouth is if he wants to convince him to go against his gut instinct.

To be honest, aside from the ridiculous wage demands, I don’t think Roman can promise Mourinho any of those things.

The future ain’t what it used to be.
Let us imagine for a minute a strange world where Roman Abramovich would actually be willing to give Mourinho all of the control his heart desires, and that Mourinho accepts said offer and returns to Chelsea. What tasks await him before he can right the ship? To answer that question, you have to first look at the current state of affairs at Stamford Bridge.

drogba, terry and lampard at chelsea

would mourinho even want to break up the "old boys club" that he help put together?

The anchor that’s been dragging the Blues down this season hasn’t necessarily been the manager — though AVB’s tactical and personnel choices weren’t always the wisest for the squad that he’s had — but rather an aging core of players that have an unusually large amount of influence at the club. Terry, Cole, Drogba and most notably Lampard were all reportedly at fault for undermining Villas-Boas both in the locker room and the board room. Yet aside from perhaps Lampard, none have performed well enough this season to justify such importance and sway.

When André Villas-Boas was brought in this summer, his first action should have been to break up the veteran-core. One thing that would allow him to do is implement his new playing system without the friction of the older players who are used to the old style of play. Secondly, breaking up that group would also lessen the odds of anyone challenging his authority.

Lampard and Drogba could have easily been shipped out for decent money, despite their lofty ages. Ashley Cole could have been put on a tighter, don’t-shoot-the-staff leash. And don’t get me started on how John Terry’s toxic ego is poisoning the drinking well. But due to drawn out nature of his appointment, AVB didn’t have enough time to flip them for new players before the start of the season… so he was stuck with them.

Unfortunately, this core group of influential players still remain very close to Mourinho. After all, he was the one that assembled and guided them to prominence. That they all admitted to regularly communicating with their old boss this season underlines how close they are to the guy still.

How is Mourinho possibly supposed to come back and tell them — the guys he’s still friends with — that he’s going to have to give them the boot?

Sure, he’s got a steely personality and doesn’t take smack from anyone. But would you have the cojones to tell a friend, who you’ve been propping up and reassuring all season through text messages, “Sorry guy, you actually do suck and need to move on”? I don’t think I could.

Even if Mourinho could push some of the old guard out, he still won’t be out of the woods. The Chelsea Mourinho would inherit now is not the up and coming squad that he took over in 2004, but rather a fading one with its best years behind it. There’s still a good deal of rebuilding left to do at the club, and he’ll need not only financial backing to bring in fresh faces, but he’ll also need time adjust them to the Mourinho code.

And time, if you recall, is exactly what Villas-Boas was reportedly assured of when he was charged with the project of overhauling the squad. We saw how well that worked out for the young manager. There’s no way a man as smart as the Special One could have overlooked that as anything but the same type of broken promises he’s seen before, right?

————————————————————-

Think about it like this: to José Mourinho, this Chelsea job is like a hot ex-girlfriend. Despite all of the feelings of nostalgia, the familiarity, and the everyone will totally understand why you hooked back up with her… because she’s hot. But everyone also knows that you really shouldn’t be hooking up with her either, since she’s got a crazy dad that says he likes you one day, but the next day he’s got a shotgun to you pushing you out the front door.

Long story short, I just don’t think there’s anyway that an ambitious Mourinho will take this Chelsea job. There’s too much history there, and deep down he knows he won’t get the control that he wants. Unless Abramovich promises he’ll stay far away in Russia and not pay attention to team affairs, a Mourinho-Chelsea reunion feels very unlikely.

Besides, there are potentially other jobs in London that he would be a much better fit for…

new year’s resolutions

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As 2011 winds to a close and the dawn of a new year is upon us, I imagine many of you are in the final stages of planning for the annual — and often eventually pointless — ritual called “New Year’s Resolutions”. Every year, millions around the world make commitments to achieve personal goals over the next year such as losing a set amount of weight, breaking bad habits or forming good new ones.

times square soccer ball

now that a very soccer ball-ish times square ball has dropped, it's time to think about what we want to have happen in 2012

However, despite these resolutions generally being made with the best of intentions, for one reason or another, we normally have a hard time keeping them. Scientists tell us that only 12% of all of New Year’s Resolutions are actually met by year’s end, a rate poor enough to make you wonder why we even make them in the first place.

Personally, I like to take the easy way out by not botering to make resolutions, period. By taking this approach, it prevents me from feeling disappointed when I don’t meet the overly ambitious targets I always end up setting for myself. After all, the easiest goals to achieve are the one’s you never make… or something like that.

But just because I don’t set my own resolutions, that doesn’t mean that I can’t make empty promises for other people instead.

Why pass up soaking in all of the instant gratification of setting ambitious goals, especially when I’m not responsible for any of the work that goes into turning dreams into reality?!

With that in mind, I present to you my idealistic 2012 World Football New Year’s Resolutions list:

For Mario Balotelli to keep being… Mario Balotelli

balotelli why always me

i don't know why, mario... but let's hope it stays that way.

To say that the young Manchester City starlet has endured a roller coaster 2011 might just be the understatement of the year. From the highs of driving around Manchester’s city centre in a convertible giving fans high fives, to the lows of lighting his own bathroom on fire with fireworks, the Italian starlet has been nothing short of a machine at producing ridiculous headlines. He seems more at home in a made-up comic strip than in the life of a real, live professional athlete. And that’s just the way we like it, especially since he tends to make my job writing significantly easier. So please, Super Mario, don’t go changing anything. Just keep being you: it’s what you do best.

For Jürgen Klinsmann to show his grand USMNT experiment is actually working.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I’m all for Klinsmann’s efforts to reshape the national team and build it a new identity, and I know that this transformation won’t happen overnight. It needs some time to set in, like any master plan, and I feel like a pretty patient guy. However, it’s hard to stomach loses and ties against sides that we had been — and should still be — beating. I’m not asking for us to start rolling over Mexico like the Spanish would Andorra, but I would prefer to see us start stringing together some positive results sooner rather than later. A continued run of bad showings could, after all, have a devastating impact on the team’s moral and confidence. And that’s definitely not something we need heading into World Cup qualifying.

For John Terry to finally get what’s coming to him.

I’ve made no secret for my distaste for Terry in this space, so it’s not surprising that I would want for fate to finally catch up with the bastard in 2012. And even though I don’t need to recant all of his sins since most of them have played out publicly, I still want to. So, here’s why John’s karma is long overdue to bite Mr. Chelsea: 2001) drunkenly taunts American tourists at Heathrow airport immediately after 9/11, 2002) charged with assault for an altercation with a nightclub bouncer, 2009) takes cash bribes to give unauthorized tours of Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge, 2010) may or may not have had an affair with a former teammate/friend’s baby mama, 2011) racially abuses the younger brother of international teammate during a match. Even though he’s been “cleared” in a majority of those cases, how can one guy be investigated for so many claims and they all be false? Oh yeah, they can’t. Cue the Law & Order dun-dun!

For Jose Mourinho to finally to overhaul Barcelona as the best side in Spain.

mourinho eye poke

if mourinho doesn't come out on top soon, i fear for eyes the world over.

I know it’s pretty unrealistic to think this could happen in the 2012 calendar year, despite the fact that Real are currently three points clear of rivals Barça going into the Winter Break. Pep Guardiola and his men definitely still have a death-grip like hold over Mourinho and his charges’ confidence, as is evident with their impressive strings of results in the multitude of Clásicos in 2011. And while I’d love to see Los Blancos regain the edge in the rivalry for reasons that include restoring “parity” to Spain (and I very loosely use the word parity considering it’s a league where only two teams ever win) and being a fan, my main reason for wanting to see Mourinho finally overcome his demons is much, much more important. You see, I fear that if the Special One’s galácticos don’t take over the crown as Spain’s best soon, I think he’s going to poke out EVERYONE’s eyes.

For Alex Morgan to increase the number of shoots she books like this one.

So what if I’m married? I’m allowed to have internet crushes on attractive celebrities just like anyone else. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with desiring to see more scantily clad pictures of my chosen crush. I mean as far as the picture shown, it underlines her ability to look attractive in both classy and sporty attire, not to mention her ability to knock the balls around… knock balls around the pitch you dirty perverts. And thanks to the WUSA WPS getting a renewed lease on life from US Soccer, Miss Morgan should stay in the limelight just a little bit more.

For Daniel Levy to not only continue sticking to his guns on not selling, but also pull the trigger on some big buys too.

Look, I’m stoked that the Tottenham chairman told Chelsea to shove their £40 million for Modrić where the sun doesn’t shine over the summer. It showed ambition, and sent a message to the rest of the growing egos in the locker room that nobody was bigger than the club. But aside from the last minute swoop for Rafa van der Vaart two summers ago and the bargain buying of Scott Parker from a desperate-for-cash West Ham, Levy hasn’t exactly shown any willingness to spend to match the club’s ambition. Though the free signing of Brad Friedel and the short-term solution of Adebayor up top have proven to be shrewd bits of business, the club desperately need to make a statement buy. Otherwise, can Spurs really consider themselves title challengers if we’re the only side that’s not continuously bringing in world class, young talent? I don’t think so.

For Neymar to finally move to a team in Europe, and for said team, to make him cut his hair.

neymar and his hair

hey, rufio. leave your hair in brazil once you leave for europe.

It might just be me, but I’ve grown extremely tired of the weekly Neymar transfer rumors. At this point, I’m not sure if the constant stream of “done deal” rumors to Real Madrid/Barcelona are actually true, or if it’s just an elaborate ruse by Santos to raise their asking price for the extremely talented young starlet. And if anything was learned from Barcelona wiping the floor with Santos at the Club World Cup final, it’s that Neymar needs to move on to a club where he’ll be pushed to raise the level of his game… and that clearly can’t happen in Brazil. And let’s be honest, a classier club will actually make the kid cut off his stupid rooster hair so he looks like a proper footballer.

For Blackburn Rovers owners Venkeys to finally put their manager out of his misery.

Don’t let yesterday’s upset win away at Old Trafford fool you: even a blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time. Said plainly, Rovers boss Steve Keane is not a Premier League caliber manager. The rumors of his impending sacking have been circulating since at least the tail end of last season. And to be completely honest with you, I have no clue how he’s still in his job. The Ewood Park outfit have struggled in nearly every department on field this season, and the fans have stood in unison for months saying that want the poor guy out. Maybe the Venkeys think they can save themselves from the drop if they just stick it out with the same manager all season, who knows. But regardless of whether you have a shit manager or not, if you don’t end up spending a significant amount of money to bring in fresh blood this January, you are going down.

For Carlos Tévez to end up at A.C. Milan.

With the dispute between Carlitos and City having now extended an entire half of a season, the Citizens are finally ready to rid themselves of this headache permanently. And luckily, they’ve lowered their asking price enough that a few other clubs are at least considering the thought of making a move for the temperamental striker. Though Corinthians have renewed their interest, the club making the most noise about signing Tévez are the Rosaneri. So why do I want him to end up there? Well, if Carlos is signed permanently, Milan will have the undisputed craziest front line in the world: Robinho (the brat), Pato (the indifferent), Cassano (the mad hatter), Ibrahimović (the bully) and Tévez (the ego). And with Silvio Berlusconi resuming his duties as club chairman, I’m really hoping he forces Allegri to play all five of them at once.

And lastly, for Fernando Torres to keep looking like this:

sulking torres on chelsea bench

ten words or less #43

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real madrid christmas marcelo, ramos, perez, mourinho, cassilas, higuain

even the men of real madrid thought it worth celebrating the blog's 20,000th visitor.

Despite the fact that the holidays are generally a festive time of the year, we have extra reason to celebrate on Christmas 2011: wrongsideofthepond.com crossing the 20,000 unique visitor milestone. I devoted an entire post — and even unveiled an official URL — to commemorate eclipsing the 10,000 mark, so I lament to report that I’ve only prepared you a lame-o TWOL post to celebrate this time around. I’m bad with Christmas gifts, what can I say?

I do have to admit that, after looking over that 10k post, I feel like the blog has come lightyears since. I’d like to think that my content has improved, as well as my writing… though I’ll allow you readers to have the final say on that. If nothing else, it’s been pretty cool to see how fast the site’s traffic has actually grown: while it took just under two years to hit 10,000 visitors, it only took around 10 months to double that figure. And I have to thank you, my readers, for the large part you played in helping to spread the word.

So as you gather with family, friends and the like this today, regardless your traditions, just know that whatever parades and celebrations you see on TV today are being thrown to celebrate this blog reaching such “historic” heights… and not some longstanding religious tradition or anything like that. Cheers, and Happy Holidays!

‘Arry get’s busted. Very circuitously. But still busted. – unprofessionalfoul.com

SWRL: the world’s first freestyle soccer lifestyle brand… pretty sick. – swrlworld.com

Seriously. What the hell is wrong with the Belgian league? – cheeseslices.co.uk

Not exactly a normal academy, but a great idea regardless. – kckrs.com

Enrique’s progress on bringing Barcelona to Rome. – zonalmarking.net

The Blizzard… my first digital periodical download. – theblizzard.co.uk

So if I followed, Borges is the Brazilian Darren Bent? – inbedwithmaradona.com

Even if Pepe breaks your leg, he’ll make you cookies. – dirtytackle.net

ten words or less #41

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mourinho rides callejon

callejón is content to be josé mourinho's "human segway".

I literally had to flip a coin to decide which picture would end up as the headlining selection for this week’s post. It was a dead heat between the eventual winner entitled José Rides Forward and Beckham Budweiser Ballin’. Each is awesome in their own right for various reasons. But I’m glad Mourinho won out though: just look how intensely he’s riding José Callejón, like an overdressed Portuguese jockey in the Kentucky Derby. The ride also must have proven inspirational for Callejón, as he bagged a brace in the very next game out for the Spaniards.

Picture of the week honors? Fate chose wisely.

Are Spain slipping, or is del Bosque losing the plot? - zonalmarking.net

Dear family members: here’s what I want for Christmas. – soccerbible.com

Marketing gone bad… so bad it could literally hurt. – football-shirts.co.uk

Which unnamed DP will be the recipient of this money? – kckrs.com

So what if it’s Nike’s old commercial in reverse. Brilliant. – grantland.com
(…props to my boy Marc for digging this out)

Marouane Fellaini: The Human Chia Pet. – FHM.com

Anybody else feel like booking a trip to Buenos Aires? - hotelbocajuniors.com

The tactics behind this week’s super entertaining Barça-Milan match. – zonalmarking.net

ten words or less #32

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potential corinthians signing bing chang bao

i'm fairly certain bing chang bao's potential signing by corinthians is not what's kept the club from being able to buy tevez.

While it’s often times more fun to squabble and make a fuss about all of the (likely) false transfer rumors that abound this time of year in the soccer blogosphere, I find it interesting that this particular TWOL posting get’s half of it’s links from mainstream media outlets. They’re not usually known for diving into the transfer drivel, so you’ll get some interesting reads this time around.

And since it’s not very often that the likes of CNN, The New York Times, Sports Illustrated and Fox Sports get to grace the hallowed spaces on my blog, I’m sure their editors are rushing to publicize their distinguished appearances on today’s quick update.

Ronaldo, Coentrão and Mourinho… you dirty dogs. – dirty tackle @ yahoo.com

How I feel during every USMNT “home” match.” – cnn.com

Ooooh… that burns, doesn’t it Messi? Doesn’t it!?!? - whoateallthepies.co.uk

Signing a rubbish player probably won’t catch the Chinese market. – ojogobonito.com

Nobody on the FIFA executive committee gets dirty money. – nytimes.com

The typical American soccer fan? I hope not. – reddit.com/user/devineman

Yet nobody wondered when decent-named players signed in Turkey. – si.com

A brilliant piece on the state of the women’s game. – foxsports.com

ten words or less #31

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It may just be me, but the summer tours by European clubs are nothing more than a gigantic tease.

cesc, luka and sam... trying to break the chains of "slavery."

All summer long, we’ve had to make do with watching international football (or not watching it, in the case of watching the Copa America in the U.S.) and patiently wait for the club season to resume. For many of us it’s been a torturous off season, watching our clubs walk a treatorous tightrope through the hectic transfer season. So the second we get a sniff of our teams playing again, we’re on it child predators to a newly opened playground.

It’s not until we see those sides give minutes to 23 players during the match, or only play their superstars for 25 contractual appearance minutes, that I begin to realize they’re just here to add to the clubs’ bottom lines.

If you don’t want to stay, don’t sign long contracts. – skysports.com

Why Mourinho-football is good for the game, perfectly explained. – soccerissue.com

To avoid frustration, Everton fans should not click this link. – evertontime.com

Promoted Club Tijuana has organized crime connections? No way!!! – inbedwithmaradona.com

It’s taking everyone forever to realize the brilliance of Sandro. – ojogobonito.com

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is girlier than a little girl. – kckrs.com

Can’t stop hyping this rivalry… and it’s MLS! – theoriginalwinger.com

A “+1″ for the Brighton & Hove stadium contractors. – dirty tackle @ yahoo.com

round up #33

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diego forlán of atlético madrid

the form of former tottenham target diego forlán has fallen off steeply; harry's wheeling and dealing sensors must be tingling.

i admit that i’m really trying to steer clear of transfer rumors stories in my latest round-up and TWOL posts, mainly because i’ll need something to write about all summer long. that said, there are some stories below that do mention the possibilities of transfers, so don’t skewer me when you come across it.

as we enter the final weekend of matches in the 2010-2011 premier league season, it’s all pins and needles for no less than 5 clubs at the foot of the table, and tottenham have a chance to keep a tiny trickle of european relevancy running through white hart lane. so needless to say, i’m on pins and needles a bit too.

so moving along to today’s round-up, we’ll start off on this side of the pond…

the new york cosmos take to the field this summer – totalfootballblog.com
and so it begins. even though the “zombie cosmos” will begin their climb up the american professional soccer ladder at the lowest rung, the u-23 premier development league (PDL), i think it’s fantastic first step for an organization trying to earn what’s likely to be the 20th and last MLS franchise. this will give the club a great avenue for continuing to identify talent from their already established youth academy, a major pillar of the club’s philosophy.

the author of this article did fail to mention one of the other major benefits that this news will provide for the cosmos: a revenue stream. aside from the revenue that have been generated by the club’s bad ass umbro apparel, they really didn’t have another major source of income. by fielding a PDL side, it allows the club to charge fans to come and watch potential future cosmos stars and pour some money into their coughers. it’s not a cheap to fund a campaign to join MLS, and the club is going to need some source of income to help them reach their eventual goal.

a perfect transition from the states back to europe, a story about a player that used to play on this side of the pond:

rohan ricketts’ moldovan nightmare – column10.com
with the big dogs in europe trying to right their financial ships before uefa’s financial play rules come into effect (well, some of them aren’t), it’s a little bemusing that uefa don’t seem to be taking much interest in how finances are playing out in the lower tiers of the european football too. for example, take into consideration this linked article about former arsenal, tottenham, wolves, barnsley, and toronto fc winger rohan ricketts.

while ricketts is a textbook journeyman, crisscrossing the glob in search of glory/paychecks, the hardships he’s endured at moldovan side dacia chişinău are a far cry from what any professional should expect. while the big clubs are always get the headlines about the dirty tricks their owners play when trying to screw over players, little clubs are often times just as guilty. the problem is, without a european competition to hold over their heads, the smaller clubs often go unpunished for such actions.

although, ricketts probably should have assumed that something retarded would go down when signing up for squad in moldova.

speaking of a player that should have made a move elsewhere last transfer window…

forlán’s relationship with atlético seems damaged beyond repair – si.com
football is a rollercoaster, ain’t it? i’m sure if you were to ask diego forlán, the uruguayan would probably agree right now. last summer he was named the best player at the world cup, fresh after winning the european golden boot for atlético madrid. now, just a 9 months after los rojiblancos were demanding £20 million for the 30-year-old striker, they appear to be trying to give him away.

the article states that forlán’s difficult personality has strained his relationship with atlético’s likely-to-be-departing manager quique sánchez flores. but i do wonder if that’s really enough to have forced a guy out of a mid-table starting XI who was in the running for the ballon d’or just a few months ago. maybe diego is trying to engineer a move away from the capital club because they wouldn’t let him leave last summer? all i can say is that with the kind of season that he’s had, i’m glad harry redknapp didn’t dump a ton of money into some empty spanish bank account for his services.

i hope you’re not afraid of being spied on if you like to attend sporting events…

wembley 360 – thesun.co.uk
i’m going to go out on a limb and make the assumption that you have yet to see every single person who attended the FA cup final between manchester city and stoke city this past weekend, nor am i guessing that you actually wanted to. but in the off-chance that you do want to see that, thanks to big brother the sun, you can now look at and facebook tag every single person sitting in england’s hallowed ground at somewhere between the 19:52and 21:27 mark of the match.

while i can see the appeal of such a unique feature, and certainly am impressed by the technology the dubious tabloid used, i’m not convinced that i actually like the idea of it. it comes of as extremely orwellian, especially with the paper imploring it’s readers to self-identify and rat out their friends. wembley 360 tastes of invasion of privacy if you ask me. i mean, tell me there weren’t some blokes there playing hookie from work to go watch the final. now they’ve been made by the sun‘s all-seeing eye.

sometimes clubs need all-knowing presence floating behind the scenes to make things tick.

zidane still involved at real madrid

zizou is often greasing the wheels behind the scenes in madrid.

real madrid still benefiting from zinedine zidane’s presence. – si.com
not sure how i missed this from about a month back, but this piece does an excellent job of answering a question i’ve been contemplating for a while: what is it that zizou does at real madrid? author ben lyttleton paints an excellent picture of zidane’s role at his former club, where he’s serving as the club’s “special advisor to the president and first team”… quite the title.

not only does it explain that the french legend takes time to work with the players and provide welcomed insight from mourinho, but he also smooths over the political rifts within the club (mainly valdano vs. mourinho) and is in tight with the president too. in a nutshell, he’s the glue that keeps the modern real madrid held together. until he head butts ronaldo.

the inevitable is there

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“they’ve done well, but the inevitable is there,” said ray wilkins during his commentary towards the end of last night’s game. and while the former chelsea first team coach’s words were a generous yet accurate assessment of spurs’ performance, the sting was still there. we all knew it would end this way.

ricardo carvahlo pokes the ball away from gareth bale.

even bale's immense talent isn't enough to ward off the inevitable.

thank god for ray, though: he was a like a machine gun that fired off training ground quips at random intervals. if it hadn’t been for his entertaining commentary, i doubt many tottenham fans would have in any way found the match enjoyable.

either way, let’s just say i’m glad i didn’t make any predictions in yesterday’s column.

in a rare display of common sense, even i knew that i would end up putting my foot in my mouth by making some absurd prediction of a tottenham victory in the bernabéu. the yids had already pulled off a miracle this season at the san siro (an argument could even be made that they pulled off two miracles there), but asking for another magical european night facing another storied opponent? nobody’s luck stays good so long.

besides, redknapp had already been mugged in madrid once this year. would it really be that surprising if it happened again?

even with the man advantage for three-fourths of the match, madrid clearly looked the better side. the interplay at the

di maria celebrating his scorcher against madrid

angel di maria's belter was the nail in tottenham's champions league coffin.

top of the pitch between the two-goal adebayor, ronaldo, ozïl and di maria was, at times, a force of nature. the tandem of xabi alonso and khedira completely neutralized any central threat from modrić and jenas. (tangent warning: is it just me, or is jermaine jenas the worst player ever to play in a champions league quarter-final? he didn’t play one positively directed ball, and when he attempted to, he coughed it up every time. i hate him.)

without crouch up top to divert their attention, the madrid back line did little wrong in handling counter attacks sporadically coming out of the tottenham end. and with less defensive responsibility, it allowed marcelo the freedom to regularly join the madrid attack. judging by his performance both tonight and over recent months, i’m guessing the special one is feeling rather justified with hanging on to the emerging brazilian.

sure, the red card certainly threw tottenham’s match plans out the window. but i would venture to say that even if

crouch sees red against real madrid

crouch's stupidity likely didn't impact the eventual outcome that much.

crouch hadn’t been an idiot, spurs would still have been tactically out matched. massimo allegri and rafa benitez are great managers, but neither prepares their side as well as mourinho. and though harry’s not as big of a tactical moron as some like to claim, there’s no doubting that mourinho is a class above in that department.

but like mr. wilkins noted in the opening quote, tottenham’s performance wasn’t all bad. there were positives to glean from the horrid 0-4 scoreline:

  • bale seems to be getting his mojo back. he was able to really open it up a few times last night, a first since he went out injured. moments that stick out were the near miss in the fist half after beautifully chesting down a long ball at the top of the madrid box, as well as a very accurate long throw to van der vaart. he was dangerous enough to draw a ban-inducing yellow on pepe, and should have earned another from sergio ramos on several occasions.
  • michael dawson is definitely emerging as a premier level center back. despite the score, he handled himself very well when facing up against one of the most gifted attacking groups in the world.
  • sandro’s rise to prominence continued last night, though his decision-making at times made me sweat (quit dribbling out of the back!). regardless, his distribution is light years better than palacios and he may soon find himself ahead of even huddlestone when he returns from injury.
  • spurs defended very well with ten men for stretches, and it’s a bit shocking that they held off until the 57th and 72th minutes before conceding the second and third goals. if they had been at full strength, i think a 1-2 or 1-3 scoreline would have been more likely.

despite these bright spots, and even if there had a been a few more, i still knew this was coming. it was “the inevitable.”

yes, the second leg still remains. but it would be foolish to predict another miracle. beating madrid by five goals, even at home, is pure fantasy. getting knocked out the champions league wouldn’t be the worst of scenarios either, allowing spurs to fully focus their efforts on finishing fourth and qualifying for the champions league again.

but i am hoping tottenham will make it competitive this time around. it’s been a fun ride this year, and i’d love to get to see some of the attacking flair that was deprived us last night. and if we’re so lucky, we can all enjoy just one more european night at white hart lane.

my own personal clásico

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i’ve been waiting to write this article for over two whole weeks, ever since the champions league quarter-finals draw. and while there’s no doubt that this draw gave us some very tantalizing match-ups, there was only one that i really care about.

uefa shows off the draw for quarter final #1: real madrid v tottenham

seeing this go up on my tv caused me to godgasm.

that match up is my own personal clásico: tottenham hotspur f.c. versus real madrid c.f.

for anyone who has followed the blog for a while or are so unlucky to actually know me, i closely follow both the lillywhites and los blancos. i am already well aware that it’s an odd combination of clubs to follow. but when you grew up in the states during the 90′s and the only true football you get to watch is during the world cups, you tend to latch on to players you like and by default follow the clubs they played for at the time (many thanks to jürgen klinsmann and roberto carlos).

going into the draw, and like everyone else who ‘s team is still in the competition, i was praying that both sides would avoid the 800 pound gorilla in the room that is barcelona. and judging by pain on the faces of the shakhtar donetsk players when they saw they were partnered with the catalonians, i felt even more justified in feeling so inclined to avoid them in the draw.

let’s be clear though: drawing madrid is no free ticket into the semis for tottenham. if you want to discount los galacticos simply because it’s the first time in seven years that they’ve even made it this far in europe, you’re an idiot. with mourinho at the reigns and actual, legitimate quality in the side this year, the club is vastly more dangerous than they’ve been in quite some time.

we also shouldn’t ignore the fact that while both madrid and tottenham avoided barça in this draw, barring natural disasters or a mysterious disease ravaging their locker room, they’ll likely have to face the juggernauts in the next round. a delayed punishment if you will.

either way, seeing my two favorite clubs line up against each other has me all worked into a tizzy.

why am i so worked up? have a look at all of the mouthwatering story lines to consider in this tie:

real madrid's sergio ramos will likely take on tottenham's gareth bale.

a key match up between two of my favorite players is just one of the many reasons i'm stoked for this tie.

  • key injuries could be a factor: the latest word on the street is that in-form benzema will surely miss the first leg, and ronaldo is a doubt (though my guess is mourinho is playing a mind game regarding ronnie’s fitness… he’ll likely start). gareth bale is in a fitness race himself, and tottenham have will also be without alan hutton who was just ruled out for the season (which may be a good thing) and jonathan woodgate (fffooorrreeevvveeerrr).
  • gareth bale v. sergio ramos: both are powerful, speedy, world class players, and this will be one of the marquee match-ups between the two teams. i would imagine that tottenham will try to exploit the spanish international’s tendency to push high into the attack, assuming mourinho doesn’t give him orders to strictly follow bale or be banished beyond the capital city walls.  i’m also fully expecting sergio to earn a yellow hacking down bale at some point over the two legs.
  • van der vaart is back: making his return to the bernebau so soon after being cast off, vdV has made no secret of his joy to face his former employers. he’s a fan favorite among the madrid faithful, and will most certainly be playing with a huge chip on his shoulder. it would also be foolish to think that the dutchman won’t be cautioned at some point.
  • david v. goliath: please forgive me for my use of the most overused sports analogy out there, but it’s an accurate description none the less. nine-time european champions versus competition new boys*. or maybe uconn versus butler would work better for you? regardless, i’m pretty sure either’s a good fit. can tottenham continue on their cinderella run? can real shed their recent run of under achievement in europe?
  • it’s my two favorite teams!!!!!!!!!!! did i mention this yet?
  • familiar foes: tottenham will likely be facing up against some familiar faces in these ties, and that does not bode well for them. spurs never fared very well against mourinho during his time at chelsea, with a damning record of 5 losses, 2 ties and a solitary victory when facing the special one (a -6 goal differential isn’t glittering either). also likely to be in frame to start the first leg is on loan striker emmanuel adebayor. the former arsenal striker is sure to be showered with boos and whistles at white hart lane, in no small part due to his fine strike rate against his former north london foes with 8 goals in 9 games.
  • the varying pressure of performance: going into the first leg, tottenham still seem like wide-eyed 18 year-olds making their first trip to a strip club: elated to just be there, let alone landing a free lap dance or two. the pressure on harry redknapp is minimal at best, as his main focus is securing 4th in the league so they can try to get into the big dance next year. madrid on the other hand, are like the high-rolling regulars at the strip club: expecting to be given first dibs at the finest dancers. if mourinho can’t deliver this round, it’s very likely that he’ll be (stupidly) dispatched of at the completion of the season.
  • a “real” el clásico awaits: i’m as optimistic as any tottenham fan can be, but let’s be honest about this match: tottenham are not favorites in this one by a long stretch. and a mind blowing match up could be awaiting real if they and barcelona both progress as they should. as much as this shouldn’t be a focus before this round of ties is even settled, it will be a topic of discussion.

so aside from all of the excellent plot lines to follow, you might also be wondering what team i’m deciding throw my full support behind.

without a doubt, it wasn’t even a choice for me to be pulling for tottenham. being able to watch them on tv nearly every weekend for the last few years has helped to make spurs my favorite favorite team. that’s not to mention how difficult it can be to support a team that is more or less the european equivalent of the new york yankees.

if tottenham somehow find a way to prevail over two legs, fantastic. let the party continue and yids the world over can begin to dream of complete european glory. if they lose, no worries. we enjoyed the ride and can now fully focus on the league (which might even be the best result all around).

and if madrid knock spurs out, i can’t really feel too upset if they are felled by a team that cost over $690 million to construct. then i can go on the rest of the tournament rooting for los merengues and i’ll be fine and content until they lose to barcelona.

it’s a win-win for me really.

and regardless of how it turns out, i’m still taking a vacation day for the second leg to soak in my very own, personal clásico that i thought would never ever happen. and i’ll probably never see it happen again, either.

mad man

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there are few things that grind my gears more than a waste of talent.

even with all of the tools at his disposal, balotelli's career is already under threat.

many people (myself included) would give up their first born for an opportunity to make it at the highest levels of football. for those of us not born with phsycial traits akin to olympic gods or the blessing of amazing skills, even years of ball-busting effort, endless hours of training, and gallons of sweat and tears often aren’t enough to get us even into the lower echelons of the professional game. trust me: i’ve tried.

so when i see someone who has been blessed with such extraordinary talents pissing away an opportunity of a thousand lifetimes, it makes me want to go psycho, kill them and then eat their hearts to absorb their powers. if they’re not going to use it, we may as well give that talent to someone who desires it more.

so who out there inspires such murderous anger? none other than the title holder for “world’s biggest waste of footballing talent,” currently held by manchester city striker mario balotelli.

standing in at an imposing 6’2″ / 193 lbs, balotelli is a physical freak of nature. for those needing some frame of reference for his massiveness, that’s drogba’s size plus 10 pounds and minus 13 years. and do to his apparent pledge to never express any emotion, he displays a permanent scowl that certainly haunts my nightmares, something very difficult to admit being a grown man and all. couple that with his extremely dark complexion, and you’d never even see him coming if he were to mug you in a dark alley… hence the reason i’ve been avoiding every alley i’ve come across in the last six months.

but mario isn’t just a big brute, he’s got skills to boot. he has a deft first touch, near-blistering pace, and a nose for the goal. as of this writing, in just 109professional appearances he’s tallied an impressive 31 goals. considering a good chunk of those appearances were as a substitute (40), and you start to get a feel for the talent packed into the young italian’s 20-year-old feet.

yet super mario, as he is regrettably known, somehow manages to make me look like i’m a ridiculous overachiever, and that’s saying a lot for a guy who can barely muster more than an 6 posts per month on his blog.

i conveniently left out some other key statistics about balotelli above, ones that paint a much clearer picture about the controversy surrounding this boy. while he’s got a great strike rate in those 108 appearances, he’s also been booked a staggering 31 times and sent off 4, meaning he’s in trouble more than he scores. while still at inter he tried to steal a penalty from samuel eto’o, even though he hadn’t been called on to take it. his abrasive personality annoys opposing players so much that they like to kick him (though, admittedly, totti isn’t exactly a saint either). after being booed by his own fans, he removed his inter shirt and slammed it to the ground (endearing, isn’t he?). and he can’t seem to put on a bib…. this isn’t so such a bad thing, so much as it’s funny.

and all of those shenanigans are just the stupid things he does on the pitch. we haven’t even gotten into his off field incidents, which are far more numerous and retarded. let’s list out what balotelli was thinking in some of these unwise situations:

what is clear here is that balotelli has a massive attitude problem. he’s entitled, egotistic and completely unaware of the concept of consequences. it’s like he thinks the world owes him for how awesome he is. in other words, he thinks he’s the shit; invincible even. also a cancer in the change room, he was openly derided by veterans in the inter squad. even with tottenham’s dire need for a new striker, i wouldn’t spend a quid on him if he were available for so cheap.

Mario Balotelli is a douche.

look at me. i'm so freaking awesome.

i also don’t feel like i’m going too far out on a limb when i say that he might literally be mad.

there’s not a doubt in my mind that if balotelli continues down this path, there is absolutely no way he can live up to his lofty expectations or audacious claims.

who’s to blame for this potential downfall? the first finger obviously should be pointed directly at the player himself, as his immaturity and stupidity shows he has no respect for the place he has in the game. but secondary fingers should also be pointed at his agent and adoptive parents. the circus of his personal life has no doubt created some deep rooted emotional issues, something that is well documented in children with rough upbringings. but mario shouldn’t let that be an excuse. plenty of players have had bad childhoods and they ended up just fine (thierry henry being a perfect example).

city should also shoulder some of the blame themselves, as the team’s constant revolving door has left the club devoid of any true role models for him to look up to as an example.

but with his actions seeming to spiral out of control, you have to wonder just what it’s going to take for him to finally “get it.” and i promise you that getting to meet the ronaldo won’t do the trick, unless sleeping with prostitutes on the regular can magically improve one’s attitude problems.

whatever that lesson is, here’s hoping it happens soon and not tragically.

balotelli has been gifted an extraordinary amount of ability and physical characteristics that could potentially lead to him being a truly great player, and no one wants to see that go to waste.  i’d love to see what a player like mario could be capable of if he were fully focused and a little more humble.

though i would prefer that he gets his act together in a place other than manchester.