wrong side XI: offensive center mid

this is part IX in the “wrong side XI” series, where i’ll be selecting my very own starting eleven, assuming of course that i could choose any player from any team in the world. you can read the rules i’ll be following to make my team selection, and what formation i’ll be squeezing them into, on the first post in the series.

this collection of mighty mites will do battle for the honor of my starting offensive midfield spot.

Off all the positional choices for the wrong side XI series that I compiled since the beginning of the summer, my offensive mid selection has probably fluctuated more than any of the others. Of the five “lucky” men that managed to make this shortlist, all of them have occupied the top spot at least once or twice since I began work on this project. So as you might have guessed, making my final selection has been very, very difficult.

Complicating the issue is that all five of these players has been in phenomenal form over the last 18 months. They’re often one of the first names on their respective club’s teamsheets each match day, and are by far some of the most visible players on the field during those matches. Each is the central creative force for their club, and their play often dictates the fate of the outcome of the matches in which they take part.

Part of me wishes I could just pick them all. Hell, if I were to abandon the game plan I lined out in the first post in this series, and instead replaced it with a system akin to Barcelona’s interchangeable top four, I almost could have.

Unfortunately for no one but me, that’s not how I want to run my imaginary team. so we’ll have to narrow this down to just one midfield wizard… follow my thought process after the jump.

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wrong side XI: goalkeeper

this is part II in the “wrong side XI” series, where i’ll be selecting my very own starting eleven, assuming of course that i could choose any player from any team in the world. you can read the rules i’ll be following to make my team selection, and what formation i’ll be squeezing them into, on the first post in the series.

reina, casillas, hart, lloris and howard all make my shortlist.

There was a position that I didn’t address in my first post, but let’s be honest… it’s the only position on the pitch that is never really affected by formation changes. I’m talking about the man at the back guarding the sticks: the goalkeeper.

When I first started the project of picking my first XI, I thought that picking a goalkeeper would be one of the hardest spots in my line up to fill.  It’s not like picking for your marking backs, where if you like two players about the same, you can pretty much start them both. After all, only one keeper plays at a time.

On top of the difficult task of selecting a single man to fill this spot, you also have to be cognizant of the reliability and mental strength of the player you end up selecting. Keepers face monumental amounts of pressure, often facing complete blame for conceded goals that should rightly be blamed on the poor defending in front of them. And while everyone makes mistakes from time to time (england will forgive you, Robert Green), your goalie should be able to bounce back from his mistakes and learn from them.

So who makes the cut? Listed below are the candidates that i considered to fill my number one.

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inside the mind of a footballer

Nobody should want to be inside the mind of a footballer, you hear me?. In all likelihood, most players’ minds are sick, dark and twisted places. Or maybe you would: who knows what type of freak you are.

who knows what’s going on in wayne rooney’s head.

I’d imagine stepping inside Ashley Cole’s mind would be equivalent to stepping into the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada. It would be full to the brim with skanks and whores who would just love to receive sexted pictures of your junk, and your wife would never ever find out about it (or perhaps would even be accepting?). Nicklas Bendtner’s mind, meanwhile, would be full of golden statues… of himself. Didier Drogba’s would be a full out debate between a serial killer and Napoleon. American Tim Howard’s mind is probably full of swear words all trying to squeeze their way out of his mouth at random intervals. And once inside the mind of Maradona, you could expect to find one of two things: either absolutely nothing, or a giant ball of yarn being played with by a kitten. To quote Rick James, “Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.”

But if we were to peer inside the mind of Wayne Rooney right now, I’m not sure what we would find.

The last five months have been tough on the former Toffee. He’s gone from being one of the most in-form, feared strikers on the planet, to an unused substitute full of discontent. Basically, he’s become a rich man’s version of Bébé — at the start of the season I never would have thought I would make that comparison. But that’s most likely because I didn’t even know who Bébé was, but I digress…

At first we thought he had just happened upon a poor vein in form at the World Cup. Then we thought his poor form was the result of feeling the mounting pressure concerning his soon to be revealed personal life. Then Sir Alex convinced us he was injured, a move that was quickly — and stupidly — rejected by the Roo himself.

Then rooney gave us several more reasons: he wasn’t happy with the initial contract offers from the club, he wasn’t happy with Old Red Nose, and he wasn’t happy at Manchester United. Of course all of that was quickly (and surprisingly) put to bed when Wayne signed a new five year deal with the club he had just spent a week saying didn’t match his ambition. Which of those reasons was the most true, if any, we’ll likely never know.

Regardless of the real issue, many will label him as being a selfish, confused little boy. And they might be true.

But it also might not.

Putting aside his current bad form, Rooney is still one of the few truly world class strikers on the planet. Everyone has a dip from time to time, and his is even more understandable considering the shit storm that is his life at the moment. He’ll rediscover it before long.

And as one of a select few of elite players in the world, it would be more than fair for Wayne to assume he should be paid like one. It has to be hard to see a great player like Yaya Toure getting over £200k a week at Citeh, yet United wouldn’t dare break their wage structure for their lone talisman.

You also have to wonder whether or not the club can actually meet his ambition any longer due to the crippling debt the Glazers have placed on it. In the past, the best players in the world wouldn’t have batted an eye at an offer from United, mostly because they paid better than everyone else. But with many now considering optoins like Chelsea, Real Madrid, Barcelona or Manchester City instead of United, you would have to imagine the Red Devils have lost a little of their buying power. Ronaldo left. They wouldn’t pony up to hang on to Tévez. All worrying signs, to me at least.

Regardless of what assurances the Gazers gave Rooney before he signed his new deal, it would be silly to think that those thoughts are still dancing in the back of Wayne’s pea-sized brain. Either way, we don’t have to worry about his departure any longer. But I do still wonder what’s going on in his head right now.

Is he secure in his decision? Is he planning on seeing out this entire new contract? Is he fantasizing of a romp with a luxurious lady of the night that costs more than my weekly salary?

Who knows… but i’m certainly not taking a trip inside his mind to find out.