ten words or less #44

barcelona's lionel messi wins the 2011 fifa ballon d'or

george castanza approves of messi's velvet suit.

Now that I’m sort-of fully settled into 2012 — I am admittedly still having trouble accidentally writing 2011 on everything, an annual challenge for sure — it’s time to ring in some minor changes around the blog. The largest of the changes is a new, fancy “Featured Posts” section, which highlights some of my bloggings that fall outside the realm of the standard essays on current events in and around the game. This new page is part of an overall effort I’ve undertaken to help improve site navigation and search… something nobody was complaining about yet I still felt the need to address.

OCD and ADD: it’s a powerful combination. Enjoy some links, now in doses of 10:

A forgotten hero fades into the dark. – nj.com

If there wasn’t football: Hodgson, Rooney, Mick, Gerrard, Rio, Beckham. - theoriginalwinger.com

Unique re-thinks of national team logos, by Pelé Sports. – creativeroots.org

The decision that saved MLS in 2002: contraction. – mlssoccer.com

Lesson learned? I still shouldn’t play in face paint. – inbedwithmaradona.com

The first foosball table I’ve wanted in 20 years. – 11thegame.com

This guy is buying everyone’s drinks this weekend. – timesofindia.com

Challenge for my buddy currently vacationing in Bogotá: find this. – domusweb.it

Like the Super Bowl Shuffle, but 100 times worse. – youtube.com

The question remains, how is Eto’o's coverage compared to Verizon? – kckrs.com

ten words or less #28

ronaldo trains with the brazilian national team ahead of his last game for brazil

fat ronaldo looks on as he "trains" with the seleção for the last time.

Summer has arrived with a vengeance in Southwest Ohio. Sweltering temperatures normally reserved for August have plagued those of us living in the humid Ohio/Miami Valley region, causing us to suffocate on the air so thick and heavy that Cristiano would trip over it.

Researching for the blog has been a welcome excuse for me to sit on my couch and enjoy the air conditioning over the last week or so, and today’s post is the beneficiary of said sloth. So if you’re trying to escape the summer heat, why not sit back and check out some of the interesting bits of soccer blabber from around the tubes.

The Gold Cup TV schedule. You should watch it. – totalsoccershow.com

How to build a stalker: step one… – kickette.com

Donor hair: Chicharito, Neville, Fabio, Park, Kuszczak, Berbatov, Obertan? – redcafe.net

Pienaar has to be thinking, “Great… always the same kit.” – footballshirtculture.com

The highlights of the tactical evolution from 2010-2011. – guardian.co.uk

FIFA adds racism to their stable of “awesomeness.” – msn.com

Before Ronaldo. After Ronaldo. - youtube.com

I want to hang these up in my house… tonight. – kckrs.com

man whore all-stars

Even though I’m still knee-deep into a very drawn out series of posts to select my very own wrong side XI, I feel I have to name another very important all-star squad from the world of football.

ryan giggs on the cover of the sunday herald

maybe giggs will learn that in the age of the internet, nothing is secret.

With the near constant stream of super injunctions and confirmed tabloid stories about footballers having affairs and shagging ladies of the night, it’s only right that we give these men of such “quality” morals the credit they truly deserve… a man whore XI if you will.

Now in the spirit of fairness, I do want to make sure that I’m not unfairly labeling anyone as a cheater. And since it can also be hard to confirm who has actually committed such sinfulness, we’re also going to include players who are known for the playboy lifestyles.

So without further adieu, let’s get on to the dirtiest team in football:

Goalkeeper – Allan McGregor (Rangers)
Apparently the most faithful position on the pitch, I had to dig hard to find a current goalkeeper that plays the field… figuratively of course. After an hour of searching, I almost settled on this half-story from the South African second division. Luckily, a little extra dilligence yielded McGregor’s indiscretions. The most famous of those saw the Scotland keeper dating a series of young ladies, this despite the fact he had a live in girlfiend at the time. He later cheated on his mobster-linked ex-fiancée with that same live in girlfriend.

Left Back – Ashley Cole (Chelsea)
When not shooting club staff members, Ca$hley likes to spend the remainder of his free time either sexting pictures of his junk to American women or shagging with ladies of varying attractiveness. Apparently this became such a frequent issue that his supremely hot (yet infinitely annoying) wife decided to call off their marriage by text message. If he keeps this kind of behavior up, Cole could quite possibly be the most lonely man on the planet.

Center Back – John Terry (Chelsea)
Probably the worst teammate and friend you could possibly have in a squad, unless it’s this squad I suppose. It is never advisable to leave one’s WAG/daughter/mom around Mr. Chelsea. Just ask Wayne Bridge. And I don’t care that The News of the World have since said that the rumors were untrue. Something obviously happened because Bridge still refuses to play with his former best friend. Your 2009 Dad of the Year!

Right Back – Alon Harazi (retired)
I couldn’t find any mention of any other right backs involved in sex scandals, so we’ll have to turn our attention to the recently retired Israel defender. Hazari, who made over 600 apperances for Maccabi Haifa, was one of the contingent of Israeli players that had an all-night sex party full of prostitutes and alcohol prior to the country’s biggest ever match. Despite losing 0-5 to the Danes in the first leg of the Euro 2000 qualifier, Harazi and his teammates repeated the incident in denmark and lost 0-3. Didn’t exactly learn their lessons, did they?

cristiano ronaldo with a lovely lady

ronaldo may be a womanizer, but at least he never marries them.

Left Midfield – Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid)
While Ronnie has a “long-term” girlfriend at the moment, and there haven’t been any rumors of infidelity in the relationship, the oily-skinned icon makes this team more for the ridiculous list of tramps/supermodels that he’s managed to bed over the last few years. Entire websites are devoted to cataloging his sexual conquests, which includes rumored hook-ups with American media whores celebrities like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. And when you have to pay-off an American waitress in South Beach to take the love-child you created with her, you probably know you probably deserve your spot here.

Center Midfield – Ryan Giggs (Manchester United)
The man whose name we should not say is a late and surprising addition to the squad. Long revered as a model professional, the old Welsh wizard was tricking us all after it was revealed that he was a cheating bastard. And now rumors are spurting out that Giggsy has spent the last 8 years having occasional frolics with his brother’s wife. With all of the stress of sneaking around, it’s no wonder that we’re seeing his hair quickly turn grey. I’ll now spare you some poor viagra jokes.

Offensive Midfield – David Beckham (L.A. Galaxy)
A serial offender deserves to be on this list, even if some of that series are only claims. The world’s most popular footballer certainly has no shortage of admirers, though he has an inkling for the help apparently. Either way, i can empathize with Becks though: I wouldn’t want to have sex with a crazed, plastic Barbie doll like Posh either.

Defensive Midfield – Paul Terry (Darlington)
The older brother to the captain of England, it seems as if adultery runs in the blood of the Terry family. Though Paul has never been able to reach the playing heights of his younger sibling, he has had just as much success in destroying people’s lives. Back in 2010, Paul managed to carry on affair with the fiancée of his Rusheden & Diamonds teammate Dale Roberts, despite already being married to Paul Konchesky’s sister. Roberts was so troubled by the betrayal of his teammate that he soon committed suicide. Those Terry boys are just stand-up individuals, aren’t they?

Right Midfield – Frank Ribery (Bayern Munich)
All the money in the world sometimes isn’t enough to find yourself a quality WAG, as the unfriendly-on-the-eye yet tremendously talented Ribery knows all too well. Maybe that’s the reason Frank felt it necessary to fly in the forbidden fruit of an underage prostitute from Paris in 2010. The then 17-year-old Zahia Dehar is also rumored to have, ahem, worked with other French internationals such as Karim Benzema and Sidney Govou… so he’s not alone in his desires at least.

Forward – Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)
While by no means saying he was right to sleep with an insanely pricey hooker, or a cheaper but older one for that matter, I can sort of see why Wazza might be prone to infidelity. He’s married to the same girl he’s been dating since he was a schoolboy, and it’s hardly imaginable that a young egotistic star on the rise could resist the lure of reaping the rewards of his talents. He probably felt a need to soil his wild oats. However, why he didn’t just head to the club to pick up some young pretty thing instead of paying for an overpriced romp in the sheets is simply beyond me.

peter crouch and abbey clancy

can someone please explain to me how crouch cheated on clancey?

Forward – Peter Crouch (Tottenham Hotspur)
Someone needs to pull Pete aside and have him look in a mirror: there’s no way he won’t recognize while staring back at his pasty, gangly reflection that he is not that attractive of a man. That same person should then show him a picture of his fiancée: there’s no way he won’t recognize that she is smoking hot and that he should have no business marrying a woman so attractive. Then that person should tell him that spending thousands of quid for expensive prostitutes is a giant waste of the very money that has allowed him to bag a girl as hot as Abbey Clancy.

Manager – Sven-Goran Eriksson
Even the managers can use their fame and fortunes to feed their sexual appetites! The former manager of every team ever has twice been caught being unfaithful to his wife. The first time was with a decently attractive Swedish TV commentator, the second with an English FA secretary. He apparently also heavily influenced his successor, as Steve McClaren must have felt the need to live up to the bar set by Sven.

Also, I would rue the opportunity if I didn’t give a nod to these other legends of the game with an additction to the nookie:

  • George Best: The England legend is the original football playboy, famously once saying, “I used to go missing a lot… Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.” baller.
  • Garrincha: The former samba star is the Wilt Chamberlain of world football, having a confirmed 14 children and the possibility of another twenty-freaking-four around the world. Dads fret not, your daughters are safe: Garrincha passed away in 1983.
  • Jean-François Larios: The former French international famously had a fling with the wife of current-UEFA president Michel Platini in the lead up to the 1982 World Cup. I actually like him a little bit for it.
  • Ronaldo: Il Fenomeno tagged bunches of ladies in his time, and possibly even some transvestites.
  • John Harkes: The American version of Larios, Johnny boy was dismissed from the USMNT shortly before the 1998 World Cup for having a quickie with teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife instead of attending a team meeting.

Now before any of you readers jump all over my back for glorifying assholes that treat women like the property, I don’t condone the behavior of any of the men listed above… unless they’re single. If that’s the case, my advice to those boys is: get it out of your systems before you decide to settle down. No one really needs a super injunction, right?

conclusive evidence

we really don’t know how lucky we all are yet. it may be too early for most to even recognize the significance of the result of saturday’s champions league final between manchester united and f.c. barcelona.

wembley stadium before the 2011 champions league final

something big was determined at wembley on saturday, and it was bigger than just determining the european champions.

many of the debates that rage within the game are purely philosophical in nature. who is better: messi or ronaldo? is joey barton crazy? should there be homegrown player quotas? what’s more important: your club or your country? we can all offer our opinions, but no definitive answers can be drawn from those questions. and we can’t really answer any of those questions because there is no right answer to any of those questions. well, except that it is fact that joey barton is certifiably insane.

so what made saturday night’s champions league final so special that many can’t even realize it’s importance? perhaps it’s because the match actually answered one of those hypothetical questions for us. namely, who has been the best team of this era? (i am not even going to attempt to tackle the “best team ever” question. it is definitely not answerable.)

what gives this game the right to answer a supposedly unanswerable question? let’s start with a few obvious qualifications.

this final was a match up between the two most dominant clubs in europe over the last decade. it was united’s third champions league final in the last five years, and barça’s third in the last seven. domestically, both are staggeringly dominant. and since la liga and the premier league have been the undisputed best two leagues in europe during this time frame, it’s even easier to call them both the best when barça have won five and united have won six of the last ten titles in their respective leagues. together, they’ve won four of the last seven european championships, and it would have been five of the last seven if inter hadn’t found a way to sneak past the catalonians in last year’s semifinal.

now i know i haven’t been the biggest barcelona supporter in this space. in fact, i’ve been outright harsh on them. but regardless of my complaints about them (mainly the excessive and unneeded diving), i’ve always said that they’re the team to beat. and when they’re running on full cylinders, as they clearly were on saturday evening, they’re impossible to beat. i’ll never claim otherwise.

and while we’ve questioned united’s credentials all season, they proved to be nearly unbeatable themselves in the end. despite an AWOL rooney at the beginning of the campaign, a major injury to valencia, an aging squad and the looming retirement of van der sar, they ended up on the top of the heap in england again this season. champions for a record 19th time. so let’s give credit where credit is due: it took a historically amazing barcelona side to knock down champions of this calibre. so…

top tier clubs: check

messi splits giggs and carrick in the champions league final

another brilliant messi performance might have helped to cement barça's place in history.

the wembley final also had some other key ingredients to answer a question such as which is the best team of this generation. messi, almost unarguably the best player on the planet, logged another inspired performance in a big match. and while much of the spotlight was on the tiny 2-time defending world player of the year, let us not forget that he also had the help of the first and second runners up to the 2010 prize. none of the triumvirate let us down, as all performed breathtakingly.

on the other side of the ball, you saw england’s most mercurial striker in rooney finally make his presence felt on the biggest stage. admittedly though, expectations proved to heavy for the legendary ryan giggs and up-and-comer javier hernandez. either way…

top tier players: check.

additionally, two of the three best managers in the world were on the benches at wembley stadium. on one side of the ring you have the seasoned and legendary sir alex ferguson (12 premier league titles, two european cups, five FA cups). on the other, the young hotshot pep guardiola (3 la liga titles, and now two european cups).

top tier managers: check.

another thing that made this such a key, question-answering event: the american sports audience finally paid attention to the champions league final. people at work were asking me about the match, wanting to know what makes that “zavi” guy so good. hell, the american castle of conservativism, fox, decided broadcasting a proper football match live on their flagship network for the first time was worth the risk of exposing their fans to socialism.

aiding the hype was the massive amount of “support” both teams have stateside. barça is today’s bandwagoned side of the moment, while the mancs held that spot for much of the late 90′s and early noughties. who those american fans support at the moment is clearly visible in my not so scientific pole on the WSOTP facebook page from a few weeks back to see who everyone thought would win the match:

of the 40 responses received on the WSOT facebook page, only 9 selected the mancunians to win.

(tangent warning: while both clubs have certainly earned their followings, the size of their supporters might be ballooned by the fact that most american fans aren’t able to name another team besides united or barcelona. i’d be willing to wager that only one in five yanks that identify themselves as united fans would know anything about the bubsy babes. likewise with american barça fans, i’m sure the mention of “cruyff” would result in nothing but looks of confusion. end tangent)

and as expected, the media firestorm before the final was priming the question to be answered. it seemed like everyone was ready to crown this barcelona side as the best in history (an insanely more difficult question to answer than to name one for just an era) before the match was over. and that means…

top tier interest: check.

so with the world’s best clubs, players, managers and a massive wave of interest behind it, the table was adequately set to decide who was truly the best side of this era.

let’s be honest though. it would have taken a massive victory by manchester united to get any of the punditry to hand them the title of “era’s best”. this isn’t the best squad that united have fielded under sir alex (the 1999 treble winners probably were), and the red devils would have had to turn in an epic like an 8-0 win to sway anyone into believing the title of the era’s best belongs to in manchester.

but lucky we were again, as barcelona emphatic victory made it all the more easy for us to hand them the crown instead.

statistically, the blaugrana were so dominant that it made any chance of a united payback victory impossible:

  • 68% possesion to united’s 32%.
  • 22 shots to united’s 4, 12 and 1 on frame respectively.
  • 6 corners to united’s 0.
  • 719 completed passes to united’s 301.

unusually for me though, it wasn’t the statistics that really drove home the point. instead, it was the way that barcelona won the match: they did it without all of the theatrics.

gone were the ridiculous antics that plagued their semifinal match ups with real madrid, and instead we were left with solely the beautiful game that this team is always lauded for. in fact the only time i even saw busquets grab his face is when he was actually hit in it. it’s just that  i feel much better about deeming a team worthy to be called the best of an era when i don’t think they earned it by any form of cheating. and beat united they did without it.

simply put, barcelona beat the other best team in europe with style, skill and class. my highly unscientific facebook poll showed that most of us expected that outcome, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t all get more than we expected.

barça proved themselves again, and thanks to it, have written themselves a special chapter in the history of football. and as many generations go by without the opportunity to say that they had watched a truly dominant side. what’s becoming ever more apparent, though, is that saturday… we did.

ten words or less #26

kevin prince boateng and his son jermaine

is it safe to leave children with prince based on what we know about him now?

There are definitely weeks where I could spit out like three ten words or less, and this is one of them. I have to admit that I love all of these little odds and ends type stories that permeate out of the game. And with titles being won and fates being sealed this week, there are tons of little bits to highlight churning out the media mill at the moment.

Also, not a single one of these links is a transfer rumor. Odd for this time of year, don’t you think?

Kevin-Prince Boateng has some smooth moves. – dirty tackle @ yahoo.com

When I open a bar, this will be in it. – youtube.com

Derp. – zenfs.com

Can we charge this author with footy treason? – soccerlens.com

This is the best MLS rivalry by miles. – soccerbyives.com

Manchester City might be calling you an idiot. – mcfc.co.uk

Cheeky shit: I love it. – theoffside.com

Shaking head… he is a typical Scouser at heart. – unprofessionalfoul.com

wrong side XI

A fellow fan of the beautiful game and I had a colorful discussion today regarding who we both considered to currently be the best left back in the world. The two of us argued the merits and flaws of this player and that for longer than what our manager at work would have liked, yet we weren’t actually able to anoint one player as the supreme left back on the planet.

if you could pick any team you wanted, who would you pick?

After I got over the shock of not being able to “win” a soccer argument, I came to a realization…. it’s not a bad thing that we weren’t able to name just one.

Instead, I figured out that in order to actually answer a very subjective question such as “who is the best player in this position?”, we must first define a specific formation and system into which this prospective player would be inserted.

For example, it wouldn’t make any sense to place a wingback such as Ashley Cole — known for hiw swashbuckling, long runs into the attack — into a defensively-conservative system like that of Tony Pulis’ Stoke City. Similarly, an extremely skilled player like Robinho plays very well as a striker in the hole in a counter-attacking culture that’s prevalent in Italy, but didn’t fill the role well in England because he didn’t defend as much as is required by a Premier League midfielder. See what I mean?

And then it struck me: the brainchild of that conversation should be the basis for a new series of posts on wrong side of the pond. Here’s the scenario:

  • I am given the managerial reigns at a super-rich club, such as a Real Madrid or Manchester City.
  • I have an unlimited transfer budget at my disposal for transfers and wages.
  • I am free to pursue whatever transfer targets I like, regardless of price or availability.
  • All players desire to play for my club, and UEFA’s Financial Fair Play rules don’t exist (though this may be the case anyway, seeing how most teams will still find loopholes).
  • I can choose whatever formation I want, and place the players in it in whatever way I feel fits the system the best.

So with the rules now defined, you’re probably wondering just who I would pick for my starting eleven. And if you’ve asked yourself that, then you totally understand the format for my newest blog series. If you don’t, I’m picking my very own wrong side of the pond XI. Each week, we’ll cover a single position on the pitch, who I would choose, and why. And this week lay the foundation for the weeks to follow by choosing my side’s formation and tactics. Jump past the break to see how I intend to shape my imaginary squad.

Continue reading

asleep at the wheel

No one likes referees, certain ones in particular. They always try to ruin your fun on the field, they favor the other team, and call you for fouls you definitely didn’t commit. Even referees don’t like themselves, or so I’ve been told. Thinking about why anyone choses it as their line of work melts my brain, as I can’t see any logic in doing so.

van persie had reason to scream, along with many others, over the past few weeks.

Unfortunately, no matter how much we hate them, referees are a necessary evil. Let’s be honest, we players can’t be trusted to police ourselves. If for some reason we were left to do so, we would have infinitely more bruisers like Nigel de Jong, and virtually zero finesse players like Messi. Without them, Rino Gattuso likely would have killed someone by now.

And while I’m on this honesty kick, I’ll even admit that I think that officials actually have a pretty hard job. You’re not only expected to be the final judge on all 22 players on the field, how they’re behaving, and where the ball is in relation to the pitch, but do all of that at the same time. The modern game has become so lightening quick that decisions on offsides or late tackles occur in a span of milliseconds. That’s just a sliver of time to make a snap judgment on whether to blow, or not to blow (get your mind of the gutter) one’s whistle for a possible offence. It’s miraculous  just how often they do get the calls right.

But lately, the percentage of correct calls (or no calls) seems to have taken a sharp dip. A small sampling from just the last two weeks includes:

  • In the world’s top competition, one could expect to see the best officiating, right? Wrong.
    • The most heated and controversial call recently was van Persie’s second yellow in Arsenal’s second-leg Champions League round of 16, awarded by Massimo Busacca for “time wasting.” This despite the fact that he had the ball for less than one second before shooting it wide by just a few feet, unable hear the whistle because there are 98,000 screaming fans. Also, be sure to keep in mind that this would all be moot if Rickety Robin had been properly sent off for his earlier missed stamp on Messi. Somehow, this went unpunished as well.
    • Handling a particularly rough World Cup final to generally positive reviews (except for maybe this), the normally decent Howard Webb didn’t like the way that Shakhtar’s Darijo Srna reacted to having Daniele de Rossi’s elbow parked in his face, so he carded him.
  • clattenburg thinking really hard if he saw wazza misbehaving.

    Poor officiating has been rampant in the Premier League recently, too:

    • Martin Atkinson sent off Vidić for a second yellow, despite allowing Chelsea’s David Luiz to get away with an equally violent second yellow card offence minutes earlier. At least Fergie didn’t mind.
    • Anthony Taylor and his linesmen twice baffled the Arsenal faithful against Sunderland. First they ignored a blatant penalty when Arshavin was two-arm shoved by Titus Bramble. Then they disallowed Arshavin’s 87th minute winner because he was not offsides.
    • Superdouche Mark Clattenburg has continued on his moron march through the 2010/2011 Premier League campaign, with two major gaffes in the last two weeks. He somehow missed Wayne Rooney pile driving James McCarthy’s face, despite standing just a few yards away. Then he awarded a dubious penalty to Fulham. Why none of us expect this from Clattenburg yet is beyond me.
    • Peter Walton was charged with overseeing the midweek clash between Birmingham City and Everton, and forgot his cards in the dressing room. This one would have flown under the radar had it not been for Jordan Mutch’s 40th minute yellow.
  • You’ll get sent off for tackling a fan in a mankini who invades the pitch; even the lower leagues aren’t immune!
  • And even though they’re not from the last few weeks, I would be amiss to not mention the poor showings during the World Cup.

Look, I know these guys aren’t perfect. They’re going to miss things from time to time; it’s human nature. Poor decisions will be made and they are rarely reversed, no matter how horrid the mistake. With that in mind, you can understand when I say that my complaint isn’t really with the referees, despite their obvious involvement.

As it turns out, my complaint (once again) is with FIFA.

First and foremost, FIFA need to end the pointless policy of not allowing anyone complain about the officiating. I get why they don’t want to be advertising bitching and moaning about the refs, a part of their larger “respect” initiative, as we can’t have kids calling their referee a chav every time they don’t agree with a call. But this rule needs to be done away with for the pure reason of fairness.

After each game, leagues require that their manager and players meet with the press to answer questions about the match. “Why did you choose to do this?”, “What are your thoughts about this decision?”, and “Why did your team lose?” These types of questions not only force the players/managers to explain their actions, but also are meant to bait the players into complaining about the referee’s decisions. Bite your tongues boys, as you can expect a charge from your FA if you voice to strong of an opinion.

So what they’re doing is placing them to come and give their thoughts to the press, but still strictly forbid them from speaking their minds when they answer the controversial questions with which they are being forced to field? That’s not fair.

If the players and managers are being forced to explain themselves, why aren’t the referee’s forced to do the same thing? Make Busacca stand in front of all the mics and cameras and explain how he expected van Persie to hear a whistle over the roar of one tenth of a million people. Even more satisfying, we could drag Clattenburg into an interrogation room and make him answer for all of his bad crimes calls over the last decade.

Secondly, FIFA need to quit dicking around and start providing the refs with some help, in particular with goal line decisions. While the addition of head sets to help the referee communicate with their linesmen is a step in the right direction, utilizing end line officials in a very small percentage of the competitions is not appropriately addressing the issue. Another set of eyes can’t eliminate the human error, it just lowers it.

my tv and a dvr remote are all the technology fifa would need to give refs a hand in making the right call.

The technology already exists to give quick and accurate review of close goal line calls. It’s called HD TV and a DVR, and I use it every day in my living room. This space age technology allows me to rewind the video, slow it down, look at it frame by frame. You wouldn’t even have to stop play to verify calls, as a one of your 4th official could review and relay to the man in the middle, who can then blow his whistle if he’s been told that a goal should have been awarded. Of course FIFA thinks this technology only exists as an idea in the future, and unfortunately Sepp burned his bridge with Marty McFly years ago.

With such important issues to consider and refereeing dominating the headlines, it’s a good thing FIFA’s rules committee convened a few weeks ago. Or so you would think.

While the committee did agree that more options need to be considered with regards to technology, the only rule that they actually made during their meeting was to end the legality of snoods. Yes, FIFA would rather make sure players necks aren’t too warm than tackle more important issues like consistency or goal decisions. “Technology will ruin the game!”

Like I wrote earlier, we need referees. The game we all know and love would be difficult to call a “beautiful” without them. We know too that they are humans, and they’re bound to make some mistakes here and there. But FIFA are slacking on both holding them accountable for their decisions and in helping them to make them consistently and accurately.

Simply put: it’s time for the governing body to wake up, catch up with the times, and do it in a hurrry.

round up #27

i promise that transfer rumors will not dominate the following paragraphs. however, please proceed with caution, as i’m not making a promise that there will be no transfer rumors.

honestly, i'm going to need some sort of proof before i can believe this statement.

is kenny dalglish really cooler than the fonz? – thespoiler.co.uk
seriously, someone answer this question for me. i’m clearly too young to remember dalglish’s exploits while he was slipping on the famous red strip, and i wasn’t engrossed in the european game when king kenny first held the kop’s managerial reigns. sure, i’ve read his CV, and get that he navigated the club through troubled waters. however, in the lead up to his recent appointment, you would have thought that the man was walking on water and causing lazarus — er, torres — to come back from the dead.

in the few matches that he’s been in charge, we’re still seeing an uninspired liverpool side that clearly is a middle-of-the-table club. and it’s not exactly like he’s causing any noticeable fervor in the transfer market at this point either, with reds being linked with such “hot-prospects” such as: aston villa winger stuart downing (an older, less-pacy adam johnson if you will), the overly-hyped carlton cole of west ham (when was the last time he was either healthy, or scoring loads of goals?), or bayern’s over-the-hill mark van bommel (who has already said no to anfield). to be honest, i’m just failing to see why everyone think’s dalglish is the perfect answer to all of liverpool’s ills… or cooler than this guy for that matter.

redknapp goes from sublime to ridiculous – telegraph.co.uk
don’t you just hate it when someone goes ahead and makes you feel stupid? i do. yet, the telegraph’s steve wilson does a great job of making me feel that way in this piece. i’ve been huffing and puffing about the last 24 hours, all worked into a tizzy by the persistent rumors of tottenham chasing phil neville. i can stand phil neville about as much as i can stand gary neville… who i hate. the brothers are both bastards, always pulling/grabbing/pushing and doing so while telling you to fuck off. the thought of him pulling on the majestic lillywhite kit makes me want to vomit because he makes my skin crawl. i don’t want to sign him for this reason.

but what wilson went and pointed out is that he’s exactly the type of player that tottenham needs right now: an experienced one. and just like i pointed out in my post a few days ago about why it would be good to sign david beckham on loan, tottenham need experienced players like neville right now. the guy has anchored one of the most successful non-big 4 sides in the premiership over the last 5 years, and his manager is not keen to sell for a reason. throw in that he’s capable of playing in multiple weak spots on the pitch, and he starts to really make sense. but it doesn’t mean i have to like it.

whitecaps near deal for derby midfielder savage – seattlepi.com
oh you have got to be kidding me. on paper, a lot of signing robbie savage seems like a good idea. the league isn’t exactly known for harboring skill but instead for it’s physical style of play, so anyone who follows english football will know that this suits robbie’s style of play perfectly. sure he’ll bring loads of experience to a team that will likely be very young. but aside from that, it’s not like he’s going to pour in the goals or be a maestro artistically pulling the strings for the entire squad.

really what sucks the most about savage possibly coming here is that he never shuts up. on twitter, on tv, on the radio… it doesn’t freaking matter. if vancouver waste a designated player spot on their roster on robbie, their foray into the world of top flight north american soccer could get off to a disastrous spot. or maybe i’m just overreacting; who knows.

qatar’s world cup spending spree – wsj.com
i will never quit bitching about this, ever. the fact that the world media hasn’t given up on it yet either gives me faith in humanity, especially after the atrocity of a desert country being awarded a summer tournament. if it weren’t for the fact that everyone else in the world seems to think a qatar world cup is a horrid idea, i would feel inclined to stop following football all together. ok, so that might be a stretch.

anyway, this article does a great job of outlining just how the qatari bid went about circumventing the rules to buy world cup. i would have to imagine that these allegations are just like an iceburg… we’re only seeing about 15% of what they did, while the other 85% of their corruption is still below the waterline. at least that’s what i’m hoping. not that more allegations would make any difference in where that world cup is held, but at least it could tarnish its reputation to be known as the most corrupt tournament in world cup history moving forward.

10 funny football wikipedia edits – betfairfootball.com
ahh, the art of trolling never grows old to me. it will always make me giggle regardless of whether it’s web mercenaries raining pizza’s on those who are a-holes on the internet or general facebook tomfoolery. one of the longest forms of trolling on the internet has been to change the descriptions of public personas on the oft-cited wikipedia. this article does a great job of showing some of the better edits in recent memory… well at least the ones that were discovered before they were taken down.

but what is disappointing though, is those anonymous editors didn’t grab the bull by the horns and make some stark accusations. some ideas that i would like to see (but never edit… i’m no troll) include:

  • adding  a detailed section on cristiano ronaldo’s ability to cry to his profile.
  • updating wayne rooney’s entire page to be simply a picture of rooney on a milk carton’s missing ad.
  • something about messi’s love of legos.
  • an update to the page for gareth bale that includes a section linking him with the family line of jesus.
  • any sort of changes to the profile of sam allardyce that makes fun of him… i don’t really care what.

this list could literally go on forever.

round up #25

it’s that time again kids. i’ve taken a small slice out of the last week’s news to provide you with some fodder to feast upon. if you’re like me, it’s stories like these that help me get through weeks where tottenham are clearly attempting to recall the demons of the juande ramos era. weep.

if no one cares anymore, does anyone really hear my tears?

is there a secret deal between rooney and united? – trulyreds.com
well we all thought this song was over, didn’t we? frankly, i’m tired of all of the rooney drama and i’m starting not to care whether this turns out to be trumor (btw, i just made “trumor” up and i’m a big fan) or just rumor at this point. however, the gossiper in me makes this point of view way too interesting to not stew about. sir alex made a deal with ronaldo before he left for real, why should the rooney situation be any different? you have to admit that the pieces of this puzzle are laying out that way a bit, especially with fergie oddly sending wayne off to the state for a few weeks. damn this saga!

mario balotelli’s dishonorable dump – unprofessionalfoul.com
this kid just won’t stop. first, he decided to visit a women’s prison… just ’cause. then he faked going to the hospital… just for laughs. let us also not forget his extremely odd and troubled family life. and now he’s gone and dumped his “fiancé” by text, perhaps borrowing a page from cheryl cole’s book. but in all honesty, is there anyone in super mario’s life that can make him shape up? it would be massive waste of talent to see the kid not reach his potential, but every story i read about him makes me think it’s probably the safe bet. a pity… but i’m glad it’s happening on cit-eh’s watch.

andy carroll pleads for chance to woo cheryl cole – dailymail.co.uk
speaking of cheryl, it looks like newcastle ladies man andy carroll has a bit of a crush on her. i’m not sure if this story is really just the way that carroll goes about inviting girls to his weekly drug-induced orgy over at kevin nolan’s place. either way, i would wager that cheryl will decline any invitation from the in-form baggie hitman. she’s clearly out of his league, says ashley cole at least.

italy legend roberto baggio still rues world cup omission – soccernet.com
the same man that is the namesake for wildly missing a penalty is still crying over being left off the 2002 world cup squad. don’t you think that 8 years would have been enough time to get over the hurt? sure, he and his lavish ponytail were having a resurgent season with the un-fancied brescia, prompting the media to call for his inclusion in the azzuri 2002 squad. mind you, he was at the ripe age of 35… not exactly the freshest of ages for a  guy who would have wanted to be  the leading striker in the side. my thoughts about the entire situatoin? get over it old man.

the fateful life of jose antonio reyes – whoateallthepies.tv
talk about another blast from the past, though not quite so far back as the “divine ponytail.” this is a great article on the meteoric rise and tumultuous fall of the atlético madrid forward. until reading this, i had completely forgotten how once-upon-a-time we all (and i mean all) thought that JAR was the next big thing in world football. at fault for this forgetfulness are my memories of his horrendous last year at arsenal and the slightly less horrendous year after at madrid (though i do suppose we owe him for that 30th league title). either way, it’s comical to think that we once thought that he was the better prospect than ronaldo.

ten words or less #11

an overly liverpool and rooney filled post for you this saturday. i would type more, but i’m busy watching this stunning west ham-arsenal match. can someone please explain to me how robert green hasn’t fudged one of his amazing saves yet?

the only person not lauging at this? rafa benitez. – reddit.com/r/soccer

this was NEVER going to happen. – soccernet.com

your club is broke if you bumb rides from rockstars. – deadspin.com

define “jumping the gun.” – dailymail.co.uk

ronaldo. <looks down, shakes head.> - footballshirtculture.com

bad idea: suing your employers. – dailymail.co.uk

video evidence of an ass kicking. – youtube.com

it hurts worse when it’s from mum. – i don’t remember where this came from