mad man

there are few things that grind my gears more than a waste of talent.

even with all of the tools at his disposal, balotelli's career is already under threat.

many people (myself included) would give up their first born for an opportunity to make it at the highest levels of football. for those of us not born with phsycial traits akin to olympic gods or the blessing of amazing skills, even years of ball-busting effort, endless hours of training, and gallons of sweat and tears often aren’t enough to get us even into the lower echelons of the professional game. trust me: i’ve tried.

so when i see someone who has been blessed with such extraordinary talents pissing away an opportunity of a thousand lifetimes, it makes me want to go psycho, kill them and then eat their hearts to absorb their powers. if they’re not going to use it, we may as well give that talent to someone who desires it more.

so who out there inspires such murderous anger? none other than the title holder for “world’s biggest waste of footballing talent,” currently held by manchester city striker mario balotelli.

standing in at an imposing 6’2″ / 193 lbs, balotelli is a physical freak of nature. for those needing some frame of reference for his massiveness, that’s drogba’s size plus 10 pounds and minus 13 years. and do to his apparent pledge to never express any emotion, he displays a permanent scowl that certainly haunts my nightmares, something very difficult to admit being a grown man and all. couple that with his extremely dark complexion, and you’d never even see him coming if he were to mug you in a dark alley… hence the reason i’ve been avoiding every alley i’ve come across in the last six months.

but mario isn’t just a big brute, he’s got skills to boot. he has a deft first touch, near-blistering pace, and a nose for the goal. as of this writing, in just 109professional appearances he’s tallied an impressive 31 goals. considering a good chunk of those appearances were as a substitute (40), and you start to get a feel for the talent packed into the young italian’s 20-year-old feet.

yet super mario, as he is regrettably known, somehow manages to make me look like i’m a ridiculous overachiever, and that’s saying a lot for a guy who can barely muster more than an 6 posts per month on his blog.

i conveniently left out some other key statistics about balotelli above, ones that paint a much clearer picture about the controversy surrounding this boy. while he’s got a great strike rate in those 108 appearances, he’s also been booked a staggering 31 times and sent off 4, meaning he’s in trouble more than he scores. while still at inter he tried to steal a penalty from samuel eto’o, even though he hadn’t been called on to take it. his abrasive personality annoys opposing players so much that they like to kick him (though, admittedly, totti isn’t exactly a saint either). after being booed by his own fans, he removed his inter shirt and slammed it to the ground (endearing, isn’t he?). and he can’t seem to put on a bib…. this isn’t so such a bad thing, so much as it’s funny.

and all of those shenanigans are just the stupid things he does on the pitch. we haven’t even gotten into his off field incidents, which are far more numerous and retarded. let’s list out what balotelli was thinking in some of these unwise situations:

what is clear here is that balotelli has a massive attitude problem. he’s entitled, egotistic and completely unaware of the concept of consequences. it’s like he thinks the world owes him for how awesome he is. in other words, he thinks he’s the shit; invincible even. also a cancer in the change room, he was openly derided by veterans in the inter squad. even with tottenham’s dire need for a new striker, i wouldn’t spend a quid on him if he were available for so cheap.

Mario Balotelli is a douche.
look at me. i'm so freaking awesome.

i also don’t feel like i’m going too far out on a limb when i say that he might literally be mad.

there’s not a doubt in my mind that if balotelli continues down this path, there is absolutely no way he can live up to his lofty expectations or audacious claims.

who’s to blame for this potential downfall? the first finger obviously should be pointed directly at the player himself, as his immaturity and stupidity shows he has no respect for the place he has in the game. but secondary fingers should also be pointed at his agent and adoptive parents. the circus of his personal life has no doubt created some deep rooted emotional issues, something that is well documented in children with rough upbringings. but mario shouldn’t let that be an excuse. plenty of players have had bad childhoods and they ended up just fine (thierry henry being a perfect example).

city should also shoulder some of the blame themselves, as the team’s constant revolving door has left the club devoid of any true role models for him to look up to as an example.

but with his actions seeming to spiral out of control, you have to wonder just what it’s going to take for him to finally “get it.” and i promise you that getting to meet the ronaldo won’t do the trick, unless sleeping with prostitutes on the regular can magically improve one’s attitude problems.

whatever that lesson is, here’s hoping it happens soon and not tragically.

balotelli has been gifted an extraordinary amount of ability and physical characteristics that could potentially lead to him being a truly great player, and no one wants to see that go to waste.  i’d love to see what a player like mario could be capable of if he were fully focused and a little more humble.

though i would prefer that he gets his act together in a place other than manchester.

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