delusions of a liverpool fan

i’ve brought up my buddy milky in other posts, as he is one of the people i converse with the most about the world of soccer. his passionate following of liverpool often makes for lots of fun, as any time there is a provocative anti-liverpool story on the net i’ll send it to him for his thoughts. comedy often follows.

this week the soccer gods provided me with just such a story: rafa benitez: out. jose mourinho: in?

the following is the recent e-mail exchange between milky and myself. notice how one short question incites such a lengthy, tirade-like response. i hope you find it half as entertaining as i did…

i had no idea that simply suggesting of the swapping of rafa for jose would produce such a response
i had no idea that simply suggesting of the swapping of rafa for jose would produce such a response

——————————————

to: milky
from: d.j.
subject: if hell froze over

this might be your only realistic chance of winning an EPL title in the next few years…

rafa benitez: out. jose mourinho: in?

thoughts?

——————————————

to: d.j.
from: milky
subject: RE: if hell froze over

my thoughts?????

1. f*ck you

2. that author is an idiot, talking about if we lose to west ham benitez will be at an all time low? remember when the owners were talking to klingsman? or the time he didnt wear a suit on the touchline giving rick parry a big F*CK YOU?

3. we will win at west ham, our losses were to two legitimate teams that will be challengers, more top 4 teams will be dropping points to tottenham and villa.

4. this season is going to be insane, losses will be coming out of nowhere…(man utd – burnley) 2 losses to teams possibly breaking into the top 4 during our shakey unhealthy start to the season and adjusting without xabi are nothing to sweat over. man city will soon self implode and with ronaldo gone man utd are going to be shit. people forget the reason ronaldo was so good for united was his ability to murder midtable and lower teams, he was never known for the big goal but late in games socring goals to avoid draws was what he did, and without that united are going to hurt. bad. chelsea liverpool will be the two fighting it out at the end and if gerrard and torres stay healthy we will win it. mark my words now.

5. with benyoun coming into the form of his life, we might now have a winger with the skill to widen our game and provide space for gerrard and torres to dominate.

6. plus, with chelsea’s ban in the winter transfer window they are especially vunerable to injuries and will not be able to replenish.

7. i don’t know why i’m talking in bullet points anymore.

8. mourinho could come back to england but i dont see him coming to liverpool…benitez is still loved and jose was hated at chelsea after his “shhhhhh” to liverpool in the carling cup. i do like him though and if benitez didn’t lead us to the title i’m sure jose could.

9. what u doin this weekend

10. torres exclusive: rafa phoned to sign me… i thought it was a prank!

11. benitez is insane. i’m not sure if i would like to play for him or not.

12. stop talking shit, ur going to lose to chelsea and we will hear rumblings the low rumblings to sack ‘arry. one more loss and he might be gone. your club sucks.

——————————————

to: d.j.
from: milky
subject: RE: RE: if hell froze over

my counter thoughts:

1. tehehe… you would want to ram me. i knew you were gay.

2. the author does kind of have a point about it being the low point if you (liverpool) lose to west ham. you’re record will be 3-0-3, you barely scraped by a nobody austrian side (did you watch the game? dreadful), benitez’s sales of late have left the squad thin and players are openly questioning the side’s abilities. that does seems like a low point to me. ‘pool should have moved for klinsmann, and who gives a shit about what the manager is wearing: villa’s o’niell wears sweatpants to most of his side’s matches.

3. you’re right, tottenham is a legitimate team… and villa could be. again you’re right that other big 4 teams will drop points to them. but i would argue that city will be taking more points off of them.

4. i also agree with your point here. the parity in the league is higher than it’s ever been. man united will struggle to get three points without ronaldo’s late heroics. though if his recent form is any indication, rooney’s star may beginning to shine in ronaldo’s absence (he was stellar against tottenham). chelsea will fly until a) all of their old players fall apart, and b) the transfer ban prevents them from getting in new blood. liverpool need their new italian maestro to fill xabi’s empty shoes or they will not be winning anything. your team has no creativity in the midfield to feed gerrard and torres, and it’s a thin squad at that. if wenger can pick up a d-mid and get his squad healthy, i think they could potentially challenge. i can realistically see five teams winning the title: the big 4, and man city.

5. benayoun could be the difference maker for you this season, and his fantastic form as of late makes him probably the best jew to have ever played the game. but you still need someone in the central midfield area to feed him the ball. aquilani better be worth 20 million.

6. the chelsea ban is like watching a death row inmate about to get his injection, finally realizing that all of those murders were totally not worth it.

7. stay with the bullent points. it prevents you from going off on too many tangents.

8. while mourinho may be hated at anfield, you and you’re kop faithful would love him if he could bring you the title that rafa will never deliver.

9. i’ll be in dayton this weekend. you should come down and help amie and i pick the wedding music with the dj. oh, and drink alcohol.

10. there is a reason why they call torres “el niño.” he’s a gullible child. and he should have known rafa was going to try to sign him, as rafa tried to do it for like 3 transfer windows in a row.

11. benitez is board-certified crazy. the only manager i would like to play for less is hull’s phil brown, who might be a serial killer. look at his eyes.

12. chelsea’s gotta lose at some point, why not this weekend? i’m less confident than that though, as the wheels finally fell off the hotspur express last weekend. and quit your shit-talking: how many years in a row now have liverpool been the bridesmaid at the end of the season? at least i can admit that tottenham will eternally be a mid table team.

——————————————

to: d.j.
from: milky
subject: RE: RE: RE: if hell froze over

wanna know what might be the X factor this season that tips the title towards liverpool?

african nations cup.

chelsea will be without drogba, essien, john obi mikel and kalou.
man city will be missing adebayor and toure.
annnnd aresnal will be without song and eboue.
it’s common knowledge that chelsea are the strongest threat to liverpool’s chances. so this just proves my point that we will win the title. no arguments and no rebutal. you suck. i win.

——————————————

with such a strong rebutal, i really didn’t know what direction to take the conversation. i mean, all i really asked is what his thoughts about mourinho taking over liverpool would be. and we get a lengthy tirade about how liverpool will win the title this year.

oh how agonizing it must be to be a supporter of the reds.

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